life is happening

co-contributor to a blog

2009-05-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

For anyone who might still follow this blog, or rather the death of this blog, I have become a co-contributor to a blog with some friends of mine. I am trying to post about once a month on it. Hopefully some day I will have time to add tidbits of knowledge to my blog here, but for now I will be posting hopefully every month at Leave it to the Prose. I hope you enjoy.

Harris

a season to remember the beginning of forgiveness

2007-12-25T06:40:00.000-08:00

Like any overachieving seminary student would do for the holidays, I composed a reading list to work through over the holidays. I think I am actually going to finish my list before my next quarter starts. Exciting!

Currently, I am reading through James William McClendon's Ethics: Systematic Theology Vol. 1. He separates his book into three large sections so that he can give a preliminary account for how a Christian community can start to embody an ethic that mirrors that of Jesus' life and the narratives in the Bible. In the second section on the Christian community as a community of "watch-care," McClendon talks about the importance of forgiveness. He writes, "Christian community is exactly one in which forgiveness not punishment is the norm. Such forgiveness has as its goal...the restoration of a rupture in the community" (227). After showing the importance of forgiveness for Christian communities, McClendon dives into the content behind the word forgiveness. He answers the question, "What does forgiveness actually do?" His answer to this question has some interesting implications for looking at Jesus as the incarnation of God, the message of this holiday season that I have celebrated since my childhood days.

McClendon follows a definition of forgiveness that separates forgiveness into an act and an attitude. Forgiveness, to be forgiveness, has to have both. He calls the act of forgiveness, the structural and judicial side of forgiveness where a person who has been wronged grants the wrong doer for his or her infraction. This act of pardon is two-sided because one person says "I forgive," while the other person receives the "I forgive" and reciprocates by saying "I accept your forgiveness."

From a Christological perspective, the implications for the act of forgiveness are quite obvious and not very surprising. If you are more along the lines of the Arminian camp when it comes to salvation, a camp that I identify with, then you, like me, would say something to the effect, "God has forgiven me through Jesus' life and death. So, the ball is in my court to accept this forgiveness." Again, this implication is not very surprising, and I have heard similar things from different theologians about forgiveness (e.g. Miroslav Volf), but McClendon's account of forgiveness really started to rock my world when he writes about the attitude of forgiveness.

McClendon characterizes the attitude of forgiveness as "the relinquishing of ongoing resentment by establishing new ties between forgiver and forgiven" (227). McClendon exegetes Isaiah 43:25 in order to flesh out this attitudinal aspect of forgiveness. In this Isaiah passage, God tells Israel through the prophet, "I will not remember your sins." McClendon says that this cannot be a literal forgetting of sins because a few verses later (v. 27) God recounts many of Israel's sins. How could God say that God will not remember sins while at the same time recounting all those sins? Seems paradoxical or inconsistent does it not? McClendon explains this seemingly paradoxical statement from God by saying that to forget in this passage, or "not remember," must mean that God is not going to harbor resentment for Israel's sin even though God knows and remembers these sins. Thus, for McClendon, forgiveness, rather than being an attitude of forgetfulness, is a special kind of remembrance—one that remembers the wrong doing without holding resentment for the wrong doing.

McClendon then brings this attitude of forgiveness into the Christological realm. He writes, "[I]f we follow Jesus' way, the forgiving one takes the offense up into his or her own life ([like] he took all our offenses upon him), [and] makes the other's story part of his or her own story" (228). By blending or combining our story with another, according to McClendon, we are no longer able to separate ourselves from our neighbor so that we truly love our neighbors as ourselves. Thus, forgiving as an attitude is remembering that the forgiven and the forgiver are united together through Christ.

McClendon ends his discussion on the attitude of forgiveness with a sentence that has changed the way I see Jesus as God incarnate and the effect of Jesus' death on the cross. He writes, "[From the attitudinal perspective,] forgiveness is this: one takes another's life up into one's own, making the offender a part of one's own story in such a way that the cost of doing so overcomes the power of injury, healing it in a new bond of union between them" (229). Rather than looking at Jesus' life and death as the victory of God over Satan where Jesus is the bait that Satan swallows whereby Satan loses all power and control over us (Christus Victor view of salvation), or looking at Jesus as the substitution for our sins whereby Jesus gets us "off the hook" with God, McClendon's view gives a different perspective on the effect of Jesus' life and death: the blending of people's lives and their stories with Jesus' life and story whereby redemption and forgiveness occurs.

Soren Kierkegaard, under the pseudonym of Johannes Climacus, argues in Philosophical Fragments that the only way for God to pull humans out of their situation of sin and untruth was to become a God-man, which is Climacus' word for Jesus as fully human and fully God. Combining Kierkegaard and McClendon, by becoming this God-man, Jesus took up our life and life stories into his life and life story with the effect that his story becomes our story. He redeems our narratives through his own narrative. My prayer is that we can remember this blending of narratives that began with the birth of Jesus, the birth that we celebrate on this day, and that from the forgiveness we receive from Jesus we can mirror that same forgiveness in our own life. Merry Christmas. peace

jesus, pharisees, and spirituality

2007-09-09T13:54:00.000-07:00

In the spring quarter, I took a Gospels class with a great professor at Fuller, Dr. Thompson. After covering some background information about the Gospels, Dr. Thompson a new and better way of looking at the relationship between Jesus and the Pharisees.

When most Christians talk about the Pharisees they paint the picture that the Pharisees were against whatever Jesus was for. For example, Jesus clearly has a preferential option for the poor in the Gospels. Consequently, people assume that the Pharisees, along with other first-century Jews, did not have a preferential option for the poor. Thus, the Pharisees really get a bad rap from us when we talk about them. I had never thought about this before I took Dr. Thompson's class, and I was intrigued by her observations.

A few instances in the Gospels blow me away with regard to the Jesus-Pharisee relationship. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus eats with the poor, oppressed, marginalized, tax collectors, and even Pharisees. If you know anything about first century Palestine, then you know that to eat with someone was to acknowledge publicly that you stand in solidarity with that person or that you include these people with whom you are dining as part of your family. Thus, first century Palestinians made sure they did not eat with the wrong types of people. Jesus, however, obliterated the boundaries of this social custom. Thus, when Jesus ate with the Pharisees, he was acknowledging on some level that they were included in God's kingdom.

One passage in Matthew is especially interesting, and I think it has direct implications for our spirituality today. In Matthew 23, Jesus exhorts the crowd and his disciples to follow the Pharisees teachings, but not to follow the Pharisees actions. Jesus does denounce the Pharisees for their actions in this passage, but he supports the Pharisees teachings. Apparently, Jesus agreed with much of the Pharisaical teachings, but he disagreed with how the Pharisees embodied those teachings. As you read Matthew 23, it becomes evident that when the Pharisees were embodying their teachings, they were doing it for their own gain and exaltation. Jesus demands that when following the Pharisees teachings the people must embody these teachings in a life of humility and servant hood. Only through humility and servant hood does true exaltation occur.

What does this say about our spirituality? I recently read Satisfy Your Soul by Bruce Demarest where an argument for a holistic spirituality is given. The author argues that our Christian spirituality needs to become more than noetic or propositional knowledge. Rather, our spirituality must be holistic in the sense that it involves head knowledge, heart knowledge, and praxis. Spirituality is not complete until the head and heart knowledge bleeds over into our practice. I have lived most of my life, especially this past year, with an emphasis on the head knowledge aspect of my faith. This book convicted me in a way that I have not experienced in many years.

Unfortunately, I feel like the discipline and routine that many Christians were raised with and told is necessary in order to be a Christian is on the downfall. In other words, I feel like the spiritual disciplines are seen as unimportant or less important as parts of the Christian life. I know that I do not read the Bible, pray, and practice solitude as much as I should, and I am in seminary of all places. Much of this reticence toward spiritual disciplines may have developed because of the negative view towards the legalistic Pharisees who cared so much about following the Law (Torah) that they neglected to purify their motives for following Torah.

However, I feel like Jesus' relationship towards the Pharisees, especially his exhortation in Matthew 23, shows that the discipline and order of the Pharisees' life was not bad. Consequently, I think a revamping and redefinition of the spiritual disciples is necessary in order for our spirituality to continue to develop and mature.

May our spirituality involve those traditional practices of reading Scripture, prayer, and solitude, but may we not limit our spirituality to our inner life. Our spirituality should bleed into our everyday life where we are living humbly and as servants for one another, even for our enemies and those on the outside of society. May our spirituality not build an external facade for people to gawk at. Rather, may our spirituality reveal itself through genuine, authentic love and service because these are the characteristics of those people who have experienced God and choose to live as participants in God's kingdom. peace

god, necessity, and relationality

2007-07-02T22:40:00.000-07:00

Does God need us? In what sense is our existence necessary to or for God? Ultimately, what purpose do humans serve as God's creations? These questions have been percolating in my head since I started here at Fuller. One of the first classes I took, Christian Ethics, spurred these thoughts. During class, my ethics professor claimed, "God does not need you and I." This statement bothers me. If I were to adopt this mentality/philosophy/whatever you want to call it, I think I would be driven to nihilism or a belief that our purpose in this life is futile. I argue that God does need us. However, I need to substantiate "need" or God's necessity for us in order to provide a Biblical account of God's necessity. In doing so, a tension arises between the God of the philosophers and the relational God revealed through Scripture. Elucidating this tension provides insight into God's necessity for us.

If you know anything about the proofs for God's existence, at least the traditional proofs, you know that they do not provide a relational God professed by theists. Rather, the proofs of God's existence generally provide the God of the philosophers or of deism. The God of the philosophers is the highest being, the first cause of all that exists, and the unmoved mover. In other words, God is not necessitated, required to exist, or forced to act based on anything external to God's self. I can agree with many of these conclusions because God is the Alpha and Omega of everything that exists. However, this God is only the God of deism because no relationality comes about through God as the highest being, first cause, and unmoved mover. God is merely the Being that put everything into motion and sits back observing, not interacting with, what God created. Isn't something lacking as shown to us in the Bible? Of course! Throughout the entire Bible, we see God in relation with God's creation. God is a relational God who is actively involved with creation and created humans to be in relation with God's self.

We see this first in the book of Genesis where Adam and Eve are in close relational contact with their Creator. John Calvin, speaking about natural theology, maintains that knowledge about God could be attained by Adam and Eve simply by observing the nature around them because they, without sin, were in such close proximity to God that they could see the fingerprints of God all around them. This is not a post to discuss natural theology, but I like how Calvin's view emphasizes the intended relational proximity between Creator and created.

Moreover, when we turn to many of the prophets, we see a God who is intimately involved with the lives of "His people, Israel." In Hosea, God announces that He reared Israel like a child, gave it nourishment, and held it in His arms. In Jonah, we learn that Jonah's resistance to God most likely comes from Jonah's knowledge that if the wicked repent from their ways, then God will forgive them and not punish them. This shows that God reacts to the things we do. God is relationally involved in the lives of God's creation.

In the New Testament, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God....All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being....And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father" (John 1:1, 3, 14) Need I say more?

This brings us back to the questions with which this post began: Does God need us? In what sense is our existence necessary to or for God? Ultimately, what purpose do humans serve as God's creations? If we follow the God of the philosophers, then the answer is a definitive, NO! God as the unmoved mover and First cause needs nothing. This god is completely self-sufficient. However, if we follow the God revealed through Scripture, then the answer is, at least for me, a definitive, YES! God entered into a relationship with us when God created us. Thus, God needs us.

To what extent does God need us? Or, in what sense is our existence necessary to or for God? For this, I turn to Anselm of Canterbury. In Anselm's Cur Deus Homo, he lays out his understanding for why it was "fitting" or necessary for God to become human. In other words, why was the incarnation necessary from God's end. I do not want to explain his reasoning—mainly because I already wrote a paper about it, which I will send to you if you would like—but I do want to borrow his explanation of God being necessitated or required to do something. Anselm argues that God is not necessitated by any external force (i.e. from humans, justice, morality, etc.). However, God is internally necessitated by God's self. In the same way, God does not need us to the extent that we force this necessity upon God. Rather, God needs us in an internal sense because God created us and entered into a relationship with us. Therefore, God needs us to participate and interact within this relationship. I could lay out what I think this participation looks like, but I feel like that would be superfluous for a blog post—after all, this post is getting quite long. Moreover, doesn't our participation depend on our context?Thus, I end with a question for you:

What does your participation look like with the relational God who needs us? peace

tag...i'm it!

2007-06-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

So, I have officially been tagged to say what I like about this man Jesus. I feel like this is one of those emails that you get that says, "If you send this to ten of your friends (including me who sent it to you), then your wildest dreams will come true." Trust me, these emails don't work. I send the emails...nothing happens. Actually, I never obey these emails because I think they are ridiculous. When I first was "tagged," I had that immediate response, "This is ridiculous." Then, I thought to myself, "Self, I can say a few things I like about this Jesus character. After all, I am at seminary studying about him. Sure, go ahead and partake in this silly game of tag."

So, without further ado...

1. "The Child continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him....And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and humans" (Lk. 2:40, 52). I never noticed these two passages in Luke's Gospel until I took my Gospels class this past quarter. I think these verses are amazing and say a great deal about the humanity of Jesus. Jesus was not born with all the wisdom and knowledge of the world. Rather, he was human, and he had to come about learning things in the same way we do. Fortunate for him—and us as well—he was quite the bad ass at increasing in said wisdom.

2. "And the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. And he opened the book and found the place where it was written, 'The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed, to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord'" (Lk. 4:17-19; cf. Isa 61:1-2). Likewise, this verse is great. Luke's Gospel is known for conveying Jesus' ministry of release to those on the outskirts of society. This ministry of release was not only a release from sin, but also from the earthly oppression that these marginalized people experienced. He met the powers of his day head on, and he sought to change the lives of those who are oppressed. We can always learn a great deal from this teaching of Jesus. On the one hand, most of us theorize or even feel strongly about helping the poor and bettering their situation. On the other hand, many of us, myself included, rarely get beyond our theory. Theory without practice is dead (sound's like something I've heard before...faith without works...hmmm). Jesus' ministry reminds us of the importance of an actualized faith—a faith that is not afraid of "getting dirty."

3. Playing off of #2, Jesus did not shy away from being radical or revolutionary. Of course, he operated within the confines of his culture and society, but he challenged so many of the cultural boundaries while operating within their confines. Case in point, in first century Palestine, anytime someone defamed the temple or made an offense against the temple, that person was put to death. If you mess with the temple, then you are messing with God. If you mess with God, then you gonna' die! When Jesus cleansed the temple, he was not simply giving us a good sunday school story to tell; rather, he was giving the finger to the powers that be. He had to have known he was getting himself into trouble.

4. Jesus, on some level, was mysterious. All of his talk about being the Son of Man and son of God, namely in John's Gospel, is crazy talk. I appreciate this about Jesus because it reminds me that mystery is part of the journey we find ourselves on. I personally wish mystery weren't part of our story, but it is. I constantly need a reminder of this because I am a lover of knowledge.

5. Jesus: Jew boy. During my junior year at Baylor, Matt Singleton and I wanted to name one of the sunday school classes at UBC with this title. We thought it was hilarious, but it didn't fly with the whole group. Jesus was a Jew. I think many people forget or don't know that Jesus has his roots in Judaism and studying the Torah. I love that Jesus was a Jew.

Tags:

1. Matt Singleton

2. Julia Speck

3. Shea Butta

4. Pay-o-la Guerrero

5. Ben Dudley

6. Robert Dugan

7. Brian Vestal

a letter is all you are

2007-05-01T11:44:00.001-07:00

So I should be studying Greek or finishing my paper on Friederich Schleiermacher's definition of religion as feeling or the pre-conceptual awareness that everything in this world is unified into a Whole through God. Nonetheless, I don't "feel" like doing that right now. Instead, I shall vent...

For those of you who know me, you know that I put my heart into my school work because I truly love learning and school. However, sometimes my love for learning is not reciprocated. I recently got a paper back in my historical theology class over John Wesley's doctrine of salvation. I wrote a great paper, but the TA did not read my paper with care. Thus, he said I didn't explain things that I had clearly explained. I am going to talk to my professor about this paper, but I was furious when I received my paper and read the TA's comments. Through my anger and frustration I began to ask, "Harris, why do you let a grade define who you are? Why does a letter on a paper or test give you an identity?" This was a profound epiphany for me because much of my self-image has been defined by the silly letters on papers and tests that I have written and taken. This is my attempt to break from this vicious cycle.

Thus, I came home on Sunday night, and in a fit of passion I wrote the following poem.

A letter is all you are.
Two or three strokes and a superfluous mathematical sign,
A letter is all you are.

No power do you have,
Despite what you may think.
A letter is all you are.

Have you defined me in the past?
Oh, I cannot doubt.
But I tell you now:
A letter is all you are.

Without ink on a page,
Without / or \ or – or | or 3 or +,
You have no existence.

You are mere speculation, an opinion.
I tell you now, you have no control over me
Because a letter is all you are.

peace

aquinas, natural theology, and music

2007-03-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

In the Summa Theologica, Aquinas gives five proofs for the existence of God. In his proofs, he uses the universal characteristics of reason and observation to prove that God is the unmoved mover, first cause, first necessity, the cause of the gradation of beings, and that which guides all beings to their natural end/goal (their telos).

I will not enumerate all of these proofs, but here is one argument laid out: if we look at the world around us, we see that all things are in motion. Whatever is put into motion must be put into motion by something else. Likewise, this something else must be put into motion by another something in order for it to put the whatever into motion. Moreover, this something else must be put into motion.....GET THE PICTURE? This pattern cannot eternally recur. Thus, there must be something that begins all the motion in the world. This something is what we call God. God is the unmoved mover from which all motion emanates.

I am not huge fan of these proofs for God's existence because they assume what they are trying to prove from the beginning of their proof, namely that God exists. Nonetheless, these proofs depict great thinking and intelligence. Thus, in order to appear as a great thinker and intelligent, I thought up my own proof for God's existence.

At the beginning of March, I went to see The Submarines and Josh Ritter in concert at this incredible concert venue in Hollywood called the El Rey. Incredible venue. As The Submarines were playing, I was totally captivated by the female singer. Her voice blew me away in how it mixed perfectly with the poppy-mellow loops and guitar that were playing through speakers. I leaned over to my friend Elizabeth and said, "This is so great. (She agreed). Beautiful music makes me believe in God." I have had many such experiences at various concerts where I feel the reality of the presence of God when I am listening to live music. I cannot explain it, but these experiences are about as tangible as God gets for me. With that said, here is my proof for the existence of God:

If we listen to music, observing how each aspect of the music blends together to form a complete whole, we see that music is a beautiful art form. The musicians create this art form, but the music cannot be created out of nothing. Thus, something must exist from which inspiration for music and its beauty flows. This something is God. God is the first beauty from which all beautiful music flows.

In short, beautiful music exists. Thus, God exists. HAHA! peace

relationships...a table of contents

2007-03-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

“On Relationships”
by Harris Bechtol

Introduction

Relationships and the Image of God

Relationships and the Kingdom of God

Equality or Mutuality/Interdependency?

Contingency, Relationships, and Freedom: Are We As Free As We Think?

Conclusion

relationships...a conclusion

2007-03-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

Well, my series has come to an end. The end came much later than expected, and I apologize for the length of time that it took for it to come to a close. I wanted each post to be fresh on your mind as you read through each of them. I doubt that many of you will go back and reread any of the other posts. Nonetheless, I will make a Table of Contents so that you can quickly navigate your way through each part of the post if you happen to desire to reread any of the individual posts.

I will close with one last thought. As I wrote these posts and the thoughts swam around in my head I constantly asked myself, “Why do we not live as creations in the image of God? Why do we not involve ourselves in relationships if these relationships are a key part of our living life to the fullest and participating with God on earth?” My answer: the role of sin. I know that I look past sin and its effects in my life because I think that since our sins were forgiven in Jesus’ death, then sin no longer has an effect on my life. This is a misconception. Sin continues to have an effect on our life because we are human. If we stopped sinning, we would no longer be human. I am not saying that we should sin all that we want because we cannot avoid sinning. Rather, we must see that we continue to fall short of what is expected of us. Christ’s death serves as the perfect example of living in the image of God, and through his death he allowed us to live in such a perfect image of God. However, this type of living does not come to fruition until the afterlife. Nonetheless, we ought to strive to live as best we can in this image of God because of the ontological priority of the future. That is, our hope in living as pure reflections of God’s image in the afterlife ought to influence us to attempt to live such a life now. Our creation in the image of God is already actualized in this life, but at the same time it has not been fully actualized—an already, not yet dialectic.

With all of this said, invest in your friends’ life and be there for them when they need you the most. These relationships are the kind that God intended us to have. peace

table of contents

contingency, relationships, and freedom: are we as free as we think?

2007-03-15T10:35:00.001-07:00

At the beginning of this quarter, my friend, Wess Hall, and I were at a coffee shop reading for class and talking about various topics. One of the professors at Fuller was teaching a class at the time titled "Evangelism in a Secular Society." If you know me, then you know I have huge issues with the word "secular." If you do not know me, well here is why I have qualms with those seven letters: secular connotes that God is devoid from areas of life. Additionally, it implies that God is part of the sacred realm, but devoid of the secular realm. Who is to say what is sacred and what is secular? I digress...

So we were sitting talking about this class, and I shared my feelings about the infamous "secular" word. Wes concurred with my observations and continued to add that the distinction between sacred and secular makes him think of the value people place in "free will." I cannot recall exactly how Wes connected the sacred vs. secular conversation to that of free will, but I think he commented that the secular realm is often thought of as the autonomous realm whereby people think they are completely autonomous in all they do. They have free will in all their decisions. On the flip side, the sacred realm would be the realm of contingency whereby our decisions are made in light of our relationships with God and other people. As he talked about this, I began to ask myself, "Are we as free as we think we are when it comes to making decisions and willing the things we desire? Are we free in desiring the things we desire?"

Philosophers make distinctions between freedom and determinism through talking about hard determinism, soft determinism, and libertarianism. Hard determinism states that things are completely determined. Thus, when you make a decision, you could not have chosen other than what you chose. Soft determinism says basically the same thing as hard determinism, but it maintains that since we can do the things that we choose, then we have freedom in our choices. Libertarianism says that when we make a decision, we could have chosen otherwise. In other words, simply because we chose P in situation S does not mean that we could have chosen not-P in situation S. A decision is simply one decision that became actualized among a myriad of possible decisions.

Which position do I prefer? Well, I am not a hard or soft determinist. Thus, I would place myself in the libertarian camp, but I have some qualifications for my camp of libertarianism.

I do not think God predetermines our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Thus, we have the freedom to choose and do what we like. However, we do have narratives or life stories or worldviews that have an effect on our freedom to choose and do what we like. When we are born, we are born into environments that affect our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Consequently, our relationships with friends, family, and strangers begin to affect our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Moreover, our experiences with God—whether we recognize them as experiences with God or not—begin to shape our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Moreover, I think the Bible gives us evidence that we ought to be shaped by our relationships with friends and family and our experiences with God. For example, as I have been arguing in this blog series, as creations in the image of God we were created to be in relationships of mutual dependency, and as participants in the kingdom of God, we ought to be in relationships of mutual dependency because these relationships act as an anchor point for our participation in the kingdom of God. Without communities, we cannot fully participate and help others participate in the kingdom of God on earth. Thus, God created us as contingent beings. We have the freedom to choose what we like, but our experiences in life affect what we choose to do. For example, when I decided to move to California and pursue my degree at Fuller, I had the freedom to move or not to move. However, my relationships with my family and my friends in Waco affected the decision that I made. I asked myself these questions often, “How is my moving to California going to affect the close relationships I have with Matt, Ben, Dugan, etc? How will my relationship with my sister and parents change? With my extended family?” These were concerns that I had when I moved. Thus, when I decided to move, I did not make this decision autonomously. I made my decision contingent upon my decision’s effect on my relationships with the people I love.

Therefore, our individualism, sense of autonomy, and “I can go it alone” mentality is a false sense of security. God created us in God’s image so that we would participate in the kingdom of heaven on earth through our relationships and communities. We were not created to be autonomous individuals. We were created to be contingent upon each other, and ultimately God. As creations in God’s image and participants in the kingdom of heaven who are involved in relationships of interdependence, we continue to have free will do the things that we want. But our decisions affect more than ourselves. They affect the people we are in relationship with. peace

table of contents
conclusion

equality or mutuality/interdependency?

2007-03-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

Wow! Almost two months without a post from me. I apologize, but I bit off quite a bit this past quarter with my classes. I had a Hebrew Prophets class that I really like, but it about did me in. I have a few more posts about relationships that I want to do, then a few more posts on the docket. I turned in my last papers for the quarter yesterday, and I start the Spring quarter on March 26th. So, I will be trying to do a good deal of posting the next few days. Let's continue reading about relationships...

I want to address one question in this post: "How should we understand the status of our relationships with one another?" In other words, should we strive for equality within our relationships or should we strive for mutuality—also understood as interdependence—within our relationships. You probably know which one I choose, but before I show why we should strive for interdependence, let me explain my apprehensions with equality.

First off, I have no issues with Martin Luther King Jr. and the social justice that he advocated, and to some extent achieved. What he did and the results from his life have been some of the most, if not the most, influential and important aspects of United States history. Thus, what I have to say here is not against King's actions. Rather, I see this post as a supplement to his actions so that we can better understand what I think he advocated. I realize I might misrepresent King's views in what I am about to say, but when I hear people talking about equality, I do not think they are neglecting the fact that there are natural differences among people. For example, no matter how much I want to or try I will never be able to bear a child or give birth to a child. Only women can do such things. Likewise, no matter how much I try I will never be Hispanic, Chinese, Indonesian, African, African American, etc. I will always be a Caucasian Euro-American. However, this is not to say that one ethnicity is inferior to the other because of skin color or accents. We should not exploit people because of our natural differences.

Due to these natural differences, we cannot understand our relationships as equal. Equality being understood here as devoid of differences. However, we can understand our relationships as mutual or interdependent. This also seems to be the approach that Jesus took.

In Matthew 20, we have the parable of the landowner and the laborers in the vineyard. The kingdom of heaven is like this: One day a land landowner needed some laborers for his vineyard. So, he went out and hired some laborers during the 3rd, 6th, 9th, and 11th hours of the day. He told each group of people that they would get a full days wage for working in his vineyard. When the working day came to an end, the landowner paid each of the workers the same wage: the people hired at the 3rd hour received a full days wage as did the people hired at the 11th hour. The people who had worked the entire day were upset because they had worked longer than the people who were hired at the 9th and 11th hours. Thus, they argued that they deserved more payment. The land owner answers the men, "I am doing you all no wrong. Did you not agree to work for a full days wage? Then, take your money and go, but I wish to give to these last people the same wage. After all, it is lawful for me to do what I wish with what is my own. Are you all envious because I am generous? So, the first shall be last and the last shall be first."

What we see in this passage is the juxtaposition between "the story of world power" and "the story of the kingdom of God power." The former is represented by the vineyard workers. The ones who are angry about their wages are expecting to be paid more because their perspective is fairness as equality whereby they should be paid more for their work than the other people who worked less. Moreover, they want to use their power—a longer working day—to gain interest over others. On the other hand the landowner represents power in the kingdom of God. In this case, the last statement of the land owner sums up this power "The first shall be last and the last shall be first." Later in chapter 20, Jesus continues this subversive thought when he tells the disciples, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord if over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

In other words, fairness and power for the kingdom of God are not fairness as equality nor coercive power because fairness comes in mutuality and interdependency through serving one another. Power is found through forgiving. Power is found through healing and delivering. Power is found through depending on others.

Consequently, as we build relationships with one another in our communities, we should not seek the power of the world in looking for fairness as equality nor coercive power. Instead we should follow what Martin Luther (not King) called the Theology of the Cross. God works through our weakness, as evidenced by Jesus' death on the cross, and we must have faith or come to trust in a God who works in weakness. Thus, we must be mutually dependent upon each other in our communities because our communities are the ontological and existential support that mirrors the metaphysical support from God. Translation: our relationships are the physical support in the here and now that mirror the support we receive from God. Equality is unattainable and unnecessary for our relationships because power and fairness in the kingdom of God is found through mutuality and interdependence where by we serve each other in our relationships. peace

table of contents
contingency, relationships, and freedom: are we as free as we think?

relationships and the kingdom of god

2007-01-25T18:30:00.000-08:00

Repent, for the kingdom of God

is at hand.

Much research and scholarship has been devoted to these nine words found in the Synoptic Gospels—Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Most scholars today believe Jesus' proclamation that the kingdom of God is at hand sets the tone and basis for Jesus' ministry. If this is so, then our understanding of relationships must be bound with this concept of the kingdom of God. In order to understand this kingdom, we must understand, as closely as we can, how a person in the first century would have understood this concept. For this, I turn to the scholarship of Dallas Willard, Glenn Stassen, David Gushee, Stanley Grenz, and John Franke. Each of these scholars adds a unique and essential view to the kingdom of God.

In The Divine Conspiracy, Dallas Willard gives the background for the kingdom of God found in Matthew's Gospel. Matthew is thought to have been a devout Jew. Thus, you rarely see the name God in his gospel because he revered this name to the extent that he did not want to write it. Instead of the kingdom of God, he uses the phrase "the kingdom of heaven." Willard breaks down the two parts of this phrase to illuminate its first century meaning. First, "of heaven." He maintains that first century people understood this kingdom to be all around them because the phrase "of heaven" (Greek: tou ouranou) simply referred to the air surrounding them. This kingdom surrounded their everyday life.

Furthermore, when attaching "the kingdom" to "of heaven," the phrase no longer became a tangible place that someone can grab a hold of because the phrase became an action. The kingdom of heaven became the action of God's rule. Therefore, first century people understood the kingdom of heaven as the rule or reign of God that surrounds their every moment. Additionally, Willard claims that the phrase "is at hand" (Greek: eggiken) literally translates as "has come" or "has approached." Thus, this kingdom was not a future reality that was hope for. Rather, this kingdom was the rule of God surrounding their everyday life. It was a present reality.

When Jesus teaches his disciples to pray, "Your kingdom come. Your will be done. On earth as it is in heaven," Willard believes Jesus was encouraging his disciples to invoke the kingdom of heaven to earth. In other words, in saying this prayer we take part in establishing the kingdom of heaven in areas where God's rule has been lost or hidden. I agree with Willard's interpretation, but I think his language needs some cleaning up. I talked to a professor last quarter about this very concept of us establishing the kingdom of heaven in areas where it is not, and she corrected me. She said, "It is not that we are establishing it because God has already established his kingdom on earth through Jesus. Rather, we are pointing to or participating in the kingdom of God in areas where people have stopped participating in it." She gets these concepts from Glen Stassen and David Gushee.

In their book Kingdom Ethics, Stassen and Gushee establish a holistic, character ethic based on the announcement of the kingdom of God and Jesus' teachings from the sermon on the mount in Matthew's Gospel. I discuss more of their book in the next part of this series, but, for now, let me say that they characterize the kingdom of God as participative or performative. They maintain that God inaugurated His kingdom on earth with Jesus, and as part of being a disciple of Christ, He calls us to participate in this already inaugurated or established kingdom. Therefore, with this kingdom of God being the rule of God all around us as a present reality, we are to participate in and point to it in all areas of life. Especially in areas where people do not expect it.

You probably see where I am going with this, but one vital aspect of this kingdom has not been enumerated. The ground upon which the kingdom of God stands in the New Testament is community. Stanley Grenz and John Franke, in their book Beyond Foundationalism, argue that community forms "the content of the kingdom of God" in the New Testament (235). In other words, only through community and relationships can we rightfully point to and participate in the kingdom of God. If we are not invested in other people's lives as part of a community, then we are short changing the rule of God on earth. Our individualism, autonomy, and "I can go it alone" mentality limits the kingdom of God on earth.

By the fourth part of this series you are going to be tired of hearing this, actually I hope not, but this concept regarding the necessity of community for the kingdom of God shows our contingency. God intended for us to participate in the kingdom he inaugurated through Jesus. God intended for participation in this kingdom to be rooted in community. Consequently, God intended for us to be in meaningful relationships with one another so that we can participate in His kingdom, showing it to people where they least expect it. This is the Gospel Jesus called us to live. peace

table of contents
equality or mutuality/interdependence?

relationships and the image of god

2007-01-18T22:05:00.000-08:00

In the beginning...God said,
"Let us make human beings in
Our image, according Our likeness."

Before getting started, we need to have a preliminary discussion regarding the Biblical text. You have to ask yourself the question, "Is this myth or is it history?" Many of you probably approach this text from the perspective of literal truth; thus, you would say it is historical fact. Others may approach it from a metaphorical standpoint; thus, you would say that it did not necessarily happen in this way? Despite different answers to this question, I think we can get along because we can agree that whether this is a literal or metaphorical account of creation, some level of truth lies behind the text. Regardless of how we were created, God guided our creation—our creation in the image of God.

This passage, as many of you know, amazes me. I think these verses are the basis for our identities as human beings, the Gospel, and our redemption. For the purpose of this post, I will only focus on the identity aspect. To start, we need to understand our creation in the image of God from a Hebrew perspective, considering the entire Old Testament was written in Hebrew. How would an Israelite/Hebrew/Jew living during the times that the Hebrew Bible was written have understood the concept of being created in the image of God? Some big name Hebrew scholars, like Claus Westermann and Walter Brueggemann, believe that the Hebrew people equated creation in the image of God with a statue that a king would put in a city to represent his presence. The king could be in multiple cities because the statues represented him. As these statues represent the king's presence in a city, so do we represent God's presence on earth. We are the representatives of God.

This already has huge ramifications for us. In our art, ethics, politics, spirituality, and relationships we represent God's art, ethics, politics, spirituality, and relationships. But what do God's relationships look like? Now we must read these same verses through a Christian lens, allowing this lens to expand the Hebraic understanding of creation in the image of God.

If we look at our creation through a sesus plenior view—a fancy word for "fuller sense," meaning we look at the entire Biblical text—and the history of theology, we can read "image of God" as pertaining to the triune God. Some Patristic theologians, such as Tertullian, Basil of Caesarea, Gregory of Nyssa, and Gregory of Nazianzus, solidified the language for God's triune nature: three persons, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, in one substance. Therefore, the relationship between these three persons in the one substance can tell us something about our relationships.

Much debate has occurred and occurs regarding the relationship between the three persons of the triune God. I know little about all the different views, but I want to present the view that I find most helpful to our discussion. We can understand the relationship between the three persons as a societal, communal relationship. In other words, each person brings to the table what he has to offer so that the three do not lack in anything and neither has an advantage over the other. This interpretation harmonizes with the concept of perichoresis that some of the guys above developed: what one person of the trinty has the other persons in the trinity also have, and when one person acts the other two act simultaneously in the same act.

If we are to be the representatives of God on earth, then our relationships should represent those of God. If the relationship between the persons of the trinity is as described above, then our relationships with one another should be societal and communal. In other words, our relationships should include those people in our communities, and in these relationships we support one another in any and all endeavors. This is a huge task for people in our individualist, "I'm fine on my own" society because we not only should rely on one another, but we need to rely on one another. In fact, I contend that only in meaningful, intimate relationships that represent the image of God can we truly begin to represent God's presence on earth in other avenues.

I get into this more in the fourth part of this series, but our creation in the image of God shows that we are contingent. In other words we depend on other people in order to exist, live, live fully, and enjoy God's presence. Of course, we depend ultimately on God, but our creation in God's image shows that we are also contingent upon one another. We were created to be in relationships where we support and help one another in all that we do. We are not autonomous beings making autonomous decisions outside of tradition, history, past experiences, and relationships. Rather, we are contingent beings created in the image of God who make decisions influenced by our tradition, history, past experience, and relationships.

Only in such relationships are we truly representing our triune God on earth. peace

table of contents
relationships and the kingdom of heaven

relationships...an introduction

2007-01-10T23:33:00.000-08:00

Coming back to Pasadena has been difficult. My Christmas break was truly amazing thanks to all of the relationships that I have built in Waco and Amarillo. I could not have asked for more from my break because every waking moment I found myself with the people I love. Whether drinking beer with my UBC folks at Crickets, being with Jen and the kids, hunting with my family, playing bluegrass around a bonfire, or skiing with friends in Angel Fire, I was with the people I love. Leaving this was difficult.

During this summer I had four months away from all of these relationships. Thus, I was able to prepare myself for coming to Pasadena: a place where I knew no one. Coming back from the holidays was a different story. One moment I found myself driving back from Angel Fire, and five hours later I was on a plane to return to the place that I now refer to as home. Pasadena, California. When I set foot on the west coast, I realized, "Damn, I really did just start over completely." Having my beloved friends with whom so much history exists around me for three weeks and then having that stop in matter of twelve hours was rough.

This abrupt end of my holiday made me realize the importance of relationships. I am beginning to build some great relationships with some people here in Pasadena, only one of whom I think reads my blog, and I have to constantly remind myself that depth in a relationship requires time and consistency. I sort of forgot that.

With that said, this is my introduction to a four part post series, doesn't that sound exciting, on some thoughts that have been percolating in my mind for the past three weeks. I do not know when I will get all of the posts done, but I will post them each separately. I have two papers due next week along with about 200-300 pages of reading, so do not expect all of them soon. However, keep checking back because I hope to have them all posted in the next two weeks.

A portent of what is to come...
Relationships and The Image of God
Relationships and The Kingdom of God
Equality or Mutuality/Interdependency?
Contingency, Relationships, and Freedom: Are We As Free As We Think?

Hope you enjoy. peace

an aphorism to begin a new year

2007-01-02T13:51:00.000-08:00

Language is tricky. A single word carries a multitude of meanings, even contradictory meanings. Nevertheless, language is what we have to work with. Language is a conveyor of our feelings, emotions, and desires. Using language intentionally, not flippantly, is a virtue. Be careful with your words.

meaning refound

2006-12-19T18:10:00.000-08:00

When I was in Waco last week, I sat down to right this post. However, I couldn't get it to sound right, so I left it for a week. Now, here I am in Amarillo on a cold, icy day trying to finish what I started. This post comes, as most things have recently in my life, from Kyle. If you go to UBC, you know what I am going to write about and I'm sorry that you are tired of hearing the phrase that you know so well. However, for those of you that are part of the "transient crowd" at Baylor (i.e. the people who come in and out of Baylor in four to six years), you will appreciate this post. Repetition and liturgy often suck the life out of things for me, I'm sure many of you would agree, but when repetition or liturgy is gone you miss its significance.

I love surprises, and I love to surprise the ones I love. So, unbeknownst to everyone at UBC, except a handful of people, I came to Waco last week to enjoy some time with my good friends. Coincidentally, the Christmas announcements at UBC were the day after I arrived. Half the people at UBC didn't know who I was, but they cheered and clapped as Singleton brought out "Harry B...all the way from the left coast in Pasadena, California." For the other half of the congregation, my walking out on stage was a jubilant surprise. I rang my bell, as I have done the past four years, as Tye and Ben sang the announcements to Christmas songs. I wrang it well.

In my absence, I knew that I missed UBC, but being back in the candle lit sanctuary and worshiping with everyone made me realize how much I miss it. The Crowder Band, Gideon, and contemplative videos brought me to tears. I could not stop them rolling down my cheeks.

As we stood at the end of the service, I actually said the benediction with everyone, something I did not do after Kyle died: "As we approach this week, may we love God, embrace beauty, and live life to the fullest. Amen." When I left UBC, this phrase was trite and almost cliche. However, as it rolled off my lips last week, it had meaning and significance for me. This phrase encapsulates my entire Baylor/UBC experience. If I had to describe my life in Waco, this would be the phrase. And I can only say this because I am not surrounded by its words. For some of my friends, this phrase has become an "amen" or something said at the end of a service to signify that the service is over and now they can leave. This is heart breaking.

I hope this holiday season that you can take time to slow down and realize the significance of the mundane and everyday activities in your life. You know, the things that surround you so much that you forget they are there. For me this has been Kyle's benediction. What is it for you? You can rediscover its meaning. peace

brokenness or you don't have to go it alone (part 2) or contingency at its best

2006-11-18T00:22:00.000-08:00

Brokenness is self-doubt. Brokenness is having both of your parents dead by age eighteen. Brokenness is depression. Brokenness is addiction. Brokenness is wanting what you cannot have. Brokenness is life. Brokenness is bad relationships. Brokenness is who we are as human beings. Brokenness is.

Seminary has been great and extremely tough. Constant study slowly wears on you, and you come to realize some things about yourself that you never knew were there. I was talking to a friend the other night and told her that I have see more brokenness here in Pasadena and at Fuller than anywhere else I have been. I could not in the beginning take in all of this brokenness. Everywhere I looked there it was staring me in the face: either looking back at me in the mirror or in the eyes of friends sitting across from me. I am coming to terms with it, but it is difficult. None of us like admitting that we are broken, that we do not have it all together, and that we need each other.

However, all is not dismal. We do have each other to remind ourselves that we are contingent upon something other than ourselves. So you may ask why and wonder why about all of the brokenness and abandonment in our world. You can curse God, yourself, friends, family, etc. But it all comes back to contingency. We rely on each other in order to get through life. We rely on God to give us life, creativity, friends, beauty, you name it in each moment of our day. We cannot go it alone, and thank God we don't have to. Thus, together we build hope. We point to hope. We embrace our suffering, our contingency, and we embrace each other because of it. We have hope.

Hope is laughter. Hope is a strong hug. Hope is a job well done. Hope is going to breakfast and meeting two beautiful homeless people. Hope is buying those two people breakfast and having one of them look your friend in the eye and say, "I love you. You know that?" Hope is tears shed with a group of new, close friends. Hope is who we are as human beings. Hope is, even when we do not see the light ahead showing us the way.

Brokenness and hope seem to be the antithesis of one another, but look at yourself, your spouse, your kids, your friends, etc. and you will see both at the same time. Perhaps we are broken because we hope and hope because we are broken. Whatever the reason, thank God we have each other. peace

you don't have to go it alone

2006-11-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

Fuller hosted a Missiological Conference this week on campus. This conference consisted of four lectures given by renowned missiologists who talked about our participation in the missio dei, the mission of God, throughout the world. The concept of the missio dei started to be fully developed in the 80’s and 90’s. At this time, scholars began to say that the kingdom of God as Jesus’ main focus is the missio dei. Thus, God’s one mission is redemption—the kingdom or reign of God—and we have smaller missions that point to this main mission.

Today I attended a lecture by Dr. Jude Tiersma Watson. In her lecture Children and the Kingdom: Our Mission, Watson mentioned a few quotes from Mother Teresa that are thought provoking and heart breaking. One of these quotes was, “We have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Thanks to Kant and the Enlightenment we have been obsessed with autonomy. In the process we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

I recently read an article by Stanley Hauerwas called "Should Suffering Be Eliminated," in which he argues that our fear of being needy and suffering has caused us to want to rid of suffering. However, if we rid of the suffering, he argues, we rid of who we are as human beings. To be human is to suffer. We hate suffering because it causes us to be needy, and this neediness forces us to realize that we cannot go it alone. [This reminds me of Bono singing, "You don't have to go it alone."] Hauerwas says that suffering steals our identity. In other words, suffering steals our false sense of autonomy. Suffering shows us that we are not autonomous people making a priori decisions completely devoid of our passions and loyalties. By nature, we are social beings. As Watson said in her lecture today, to be an authentic Christian, we cannot go it alone. [Again Bono, "You don't have to go it alone."]

We must come to realize that we are dependent on one another. We must come to see that mutual dependence and vulnerability with each other is the way of the kingdom of God. This is the way of being great through servant-hood. This is the last becoming the first. This is transforming our current societal situations.

When we begin to realize that we are connected to a larger story and a larger community that goes beyond blood relations or kinship, we begin seeing the poor, oppressed, children, our nieghbors, as more that simply "those people." "Those people" connotes that the poor and oppressed are unlike ourselves and different from who we are. However, we are as needy, we suffer as much, and we need help as much as the poor and oppressed do. Mother Thersa also said that the poverty in the United States is much deeper than the poverty in other parts of the world because it is a poverty of community, a poverty of hope, and a poverty of love.

We are all broken. Thus, we are all the same people: broken, suffering, needy people created in the image of God who need redemption. This redemption ultimately comes from God, but we begin this redemption now, on earth. So, as Jesus preached and as the prophet Micah says, "We must do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly before our God," (Micah 6:8) the God who is I AM, the God who is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob working in the present through us to bring redemption. Transform your autonomous tendencies. "You don't have to go it alone." peace

an attempt to be artistic on a day that changed our lives

2006-10-29T15:07:00.000-08:00

I am a bit embarassed to put this on my blog. You see, I am not a poet and you will never hear my talk as if I am a poet. I really wanted to write a poem that captures my emotion about today, and this is what came out. Some of it rhymes. Some of it doesn't. If you do not like it, fine, but I had to write it. If artists today create anti-art, then maybe this is an anti-poem. Here we go...

It was a year ago today that a beloved friend died.
A year ago today when we all cried and cried and cried.
I wish I was there to stand by your side
To give you a hug, an embrace, and share in your sighs.

A day has not passed that you do not cross my mind.
So many memories we have together, they are irreplacable,
Even living in this beautiful sunshine state.

Many miles may be between you and I
But know that my heart is with you always.
Your are constantly on my mind.
Your tears are my tears and mine are yours too.

One thousand plus miles is a hell of a long way to drive.
But miles cannot separate emotion, someone's prescence,
And the love that connects each of us, one to another.
Your smiles and laugther are my smiles and mine are yours too.

You are UBC. You are my folks in Waco. You are my friends.
You are my loved ones. You are my family. You are Kyle.

It was a year ago today that a beloved friend died.
A year ago today when we all cried and cried and cried.
Today we still ask why...why...why...
Today I take each breath in and out with sigh.
Today I thank God that we are all alive.

As is said once a week by a community of people that I love:
As we approach this week,
May we love God
Embrace beauty
And live life to the fullest.
Amen.

language...it's all semantics...yet it matters a lot!

2006-10-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

Language is huge for communication. You might think that is a stupid, empty statement with which to begin a blog post. But if you begin thinking about the connotations, the implied meanings, of the language you use on an every day basis, then you might realize the importance of grasping that first sentence. Language is huge for communication. Allow me to provide an example:

Today after my Christian Ethics class, I went to a small discussion with my professor and some other students from class. We sat in the Refectory (a crazy name at Fuller for our cafeteria), and discussed what the kingdom of God means for ethics in relation to our hope in the eschaton, the end or culmination of the world. Erin, my professor, was arguing that our hope in the eschaton should positively influence our actions in the presentsounds a lot like my ontological priority of the future blog. Erin's language of our responsibility within this kingdom of God on earth got me to thinking (especially since I asked her a question about this and she told me I was using incorrect language).

ASIDE: In case you are out of the loop, much of New Testament scholarship in the past twenty or so years has focused on what Jesus meant by the kingdom of God, and what that means for us. Basically, they concur that the kingdom of God has been established on earth by God, and Jesus came proclaiming that this kingdom "is at hand"the kingdom was established in the past but has present effects. This kingdom of God concept focuses on redeeming all things on the earth. Thus, Jesus took practices of his culture and turned them towards God noting the presence of the kingdoestablisheded in it. As creations in the image of God, we are to be the imitations of God on earth. With Jesus being THE model for what this imitation looks like, we are to point to the kingdom of God that has been established, and invite others to participate in this kingdom.

Erin said that we do not establish the kingdom of God on earth because the kingdom is; it has been established; it is at hand. Rather, we participate in this kingdom and point to this kingdom.

Notice the stressed words in that last sentence: "point to" and "participate." Here comes the semantics and importance of language. Before today, you would have caught me talking about establishing the kingdom of God in places that it is not established or not fully established. Read my other blog posts here or at culture transformed and you will find this language used. The implications of saying that we establish the kingdom in places it has not been are huge. Ultimately, by using this language we are saying that the reign or presence of God could not be established on earth by God alone, as if God were not powerful enough to do this. That is ludicrous.

Instead of saying we establish it, we can begin saying we point to it and invite others to participate in it. With this language we are admitting, as Jesus did, that the kingdom of God is at hand, it is all around us already established, and we need to rediscover this kingdom in parts of our culture where it has been forgotten. We no longer establish the kingdom because the kingdom is already all around us. Instead, we invite others to participate in this kingdom in areas of life that have been viewed as impossible for participating in this kingdom.

Participation and pointing to rather than establishing. Sure this might be a small matter, but I think the implications of it are big enough that this needs to be talked about. Feedback? peace

physics + theology = a beautiful collision

2006-10-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

Physics is amazing. In 1964, John Bell posited that "a change in the spin of one particle in a two-particle system will affect its twin simultaneously, even if the two have been widely separated." In 1972, Bell's theory was proved correct. Thus, two particles that have been paired can be sent to complete opposite ends of the universe at the speed of light, if the spin of one is changed, then the other particle's spin simultaneously changes (Walter Wink, "The New Worldview"). This experiment and theory, on the surface, seems to suggest that somehow the particles interact with one another through a means of communication that travels faster than the speed of light. However, physicists have determined that this cannot be the case because this conclusion would prove Einstein's theories of relativity wrong (Ibid).

What they concluded and discovered blows me away: there is no distance between the particles. Wink writes, "There is no separation but rather mutual interaction through a field. Everything is already related. This means that the universe is a single, multiform energy-event characterized by nonlocality [,the name for the theory discovered above]....Each individual particle of the system exists simultaneously in every part of the system; hence, no particle can be explained except in reference to the entire cosmos. Everything is related" (Ibid).

Perhaps I Heart Huckabees got it right, maybe everything is the blanket. How crazy is it that all the particles in the universe are related in this way? This gives all new implications for our creation in the image of God and the kingdom of God on earth. These are things that are built into the very fabric of our being. The Gospel of Luke even records Jesus saying that "the kingdom of God is within you all" (Luke 17:21). Absolutely crazy.

This is also an example of a holistic way of looking at our faith. Instead of seeing the discoveries of science as hindrances to the Christian faith, we can see them as further revelations from God. This is probably heresy, but it got me really excited. So, if I am going to hell now, I hope to see you there. Ha! peace

new blog!

2006-09-26T14:00:00.001-07:00

As part of my Transforming Contemporary Culture class at Fuller, I have to create a new blog in which I write reviews of our assigned books and relfections on class. It should be some pretty good stuff considering the book list:

Claiborne, Shane. 2006. The Irresistable Revolution. Zondervan.
Gingerich, Ray and Ted Grimsrud, eds. 2006. Transforming the Powers. Fortress Press.
Goodwin, Jeff and James M. Jasper, eds., 2003. The Social Movements Reader. Blackwell.
Klein, Naomi, 2002. Fences and Windows. Picador.
Lasn, Kalle. 2000. Culture Jam. Quill.
Linthicum, Robert. 2003. Transforming Power. IVP.

I might add, I have one week to read and write a review for one book. Thus, in six weeks I will have read six books. Oh, and this is not the only class I am taking. WOW. My job now is reading and writing, but this is what I want to do. So, all is well. Check out the blog here. Hope all is well. peace

star, star, teach me how to shine or thoughts before embarking on a scholastic adventure

2006-09-24T15:47:00.000-07:00

Star, star, teach me how to shine shine.
Teach me so I know what's going on in your mind.
'Cause I don't understand these people
Who say the hill's to steep.
Well they talk and talk forever
But they just never climb.

Falling down into situations
Bringing out the best in you.
You're flat on your back again.
And star, you're ever word I'm heeding.
Can you help me to see
I'm lost in the marsh.

Star, star, teach me how to shine shine.
Teach me so I know what's going on in your mind.
'Cause I don't understand these people
Who say we're all asleep.
They'll toss and turn forever,
But no rest will they find.

Star star teach me how to shine shine.
Teach me so I know what's going on in your mind.
—The Frames, "Star, Star"

Yesterday was incredible. I have to apologize up front to Dugan for not taking my camera with me. I will get better with taking it where I go. Nevertheless, yesterday was incredible.

I awoke at about 7 AM to go for a bike ride. The moutain biking here is true mountain biking: you ride up, your ride up, you ride up, and then you fly back down the mountain. The up part is, as you would expect, tiring. I am in pretty good shape, but it wears me out. I drove about fifteen minutes to where I would go up the mountain, and about an hour later I found myself at the ruins of an old hotel overlooking the greater Los Angeles area. Again, I apologize for not taking my camera. It was beautiful.

As I got back down to the car, I was singing the above song in my head. The Frames were recently recommended to me, and have loved the repercussions of the recommendation ever since.

After getting back to my apartment, I took a shower, ate some breakfast/brunch, and packed my bags for the beach. I was meeting a bunch of friends, who I have met while in Pasadena, at Manhattan Beach. It too was beautiful and relaxing. I have to start taking my camera with me don't I? On my drive to the beach I listened to the aformentioned song by the Frames. If you have not ever head this song, you must listen to it. The version I have is a live recording, and the crowd in the words of the lead singer is "f@#*ing amazing." I concur.

So, mountains in the morning and beach in the afternoon. Can't get much better than that huh? On my drive back to Pasadena, which was rediculous because of traffic, I again listened to "Star, Star." As I listened, I payed close attention to the lyrics, specifically the two stanzas where he talks about "the people." These "people" seem to be the ones who are full of talk/knowledge/etc. without any action. I realized that "the people" could include myself after my education at Fuller and places unknown.

I want to be a professor. Many years of school and reading books by "the people" and others who differ from "the people" come with the territory of being a professor. As I am about to embark on the long journey of this goal that I have, I want to make a vow. A vow that I will not be "the people." I won't talk and talk about the steepness of the hill and never climb.* Damnit, I am going to climb. Even if I don't have a clue what I am doing climbing. I will be there, wherever "there" might be, experiencing it with all I have. I will have head knowledge or propositional knowledge, as Carney would call it, but I am going to have practical, experiential knowledge too. I won't get lost in the books. I will ride my bike to the top of a mountain to overlook my city. I will spend time at the beach with friends—even if I am playing beach volleyball, an activity I despise. I will...I willl...I will. At least, this is my hope and prayer:

So as I begin my journey tomorrow, teach me how to shine. Teach me how to shine. peace

*Take freedom in what these metaphors signify. Here I am mainly taking them to signify the world of academia.

the journey...griswald style

2006-09-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

So here I sit in Pasasdena, California. A place of mystery, yet a place where I have already met many great people. Sorry that I have not updated my blog in many many weeks, but I recently got internet in my apartment. My apologies, but here I am.

Getting here was quite an adventure with "the parental units" (a.k.a. my mom and dad). We had a good time, which consisited of many laughs, good food, and some amazing sight seeing.

I don't know if you have seen any of the vacation movies staring the Griswald family. If you have not, you should rent them to get a good laugh. If you have seen them, then you will take pleasure in discovering the route my parents and I decided to take in order to get the Cali. Without further ado, I give a narrative of the Bechtol journey to Pasadena, California. Enjoy:

Sept. 9, Saturday:
I woke up and went on my last mountain bike ride in Amarillo. Palo Duro Canyon was great. It was only 68 degrees with a little bit of an overcast—perfect biking weather. After riding, I went and picked up the UHaul trailer. The trailer that would bear all of my precious belongings from four beautiful years in Waco. Upon picking up the UHaul, I thought to myself, "Shit! This is really happening. I am moving to California!" After such thoughts, I began to be overwhelmed for the first time since deciding to go to Fuller. Despite the nervousness, we got the trailer loaded up and ready to leave for Monday.

Sept. 11, Monday:
We left Amarillo around nine in the morning. Next stop: The Petrified Forest and Painted Desert—sight seeing adventure #1. We drove and we drove west on I-40. Finally, we came to the "forest," which ended up not being a forest. Rather than seeing trees, we gazed upon some incredible canyons that contained fragments of trees that were petrifried through the years by the minerals in the water that once surrouned the trees. I called Liz Eddy when we arrived at the "forest" (why do they even call it that? come on!), and she laughed, no joke, for about two minutes about what I was doing. Good times.

As we looked out over all of these beautiful canyons, truly creations of God, I felt numb to the presence of God in such natural beauties. "How can it be possible that I don't feel the presence of God as I look at all of this?" I asked myself. I was dumbstruck. Beauty after beauty and nothing.

Then, as we exited the "forest" (come on!), the sun was setting in front of us. At this point, the presence of God that I thought I had been missinig culminated in this one experience. It was beautiful. We stopped to take a picture.

It seemed like the sun set forever as we drove. It was beautiful.

Sept. 12, Tuesday:
We made it to Flagstaff, Arizona on Monday night and stayed at this great hotel call Little America Hotel. I recommend this place if you ever find yourself in Flagstaff. Of course, it is a historical hotel. Tuesday was a busy day. Our goal was to see the Grand Canyon, Hoover Dam, and explore Vegas later that night. Our stopping point was Vegas where we would spend the next day.

First, the Grand Canyon. We drove through desolate country side, desert would be the name for the aforesaid desolate country. It was not beautiful, but depressing. However, once we arrived at the Grand Canyon, we were gazing down, out, and across miles and miles of beauty. My Dad and I made the most novel statements of the trip at this leg of the journey. As we stood near the edge of part of the canyon, I turned to my parents and said with much enthusiams, "It's deep!" My Mom looked at me, and giggling she responded, "Well that was original." Likewise, as my Dad looked out across the canyon with binoculars, "binocs" as he likes to call them, he said, "It's...it's so big!" The Oxford Dictionary defines novelty as: novelty, n. the quality of being new, original, or unusual; Harris and Richard Bechtol. I swear I didn't add that last part. It is what we are known for.

Next stop, the Hoover Dam. (Journey note: we actually came back to the Hoover Dam on Wednesday because we miscalculated how long the Grand Canyon would take; however, for narrative sake, I am going to pretend we made it to the Hoover Dam in time to do all that we did on Wednesday.) I cannot describe the wonder of the Hoover Dam. You simply must see it yourself. The thing is almost as wide as it is tall. At the top, the dam is 45' wide, and at the bottom it is about 460' wide! This thing was built in the 30's right after the depression. Truly amazing.

A fun little fact about the Hoover Dam and my family: Bechtel, -el, Engineering built the Hoover Dam. The Bechtol, -ol, family is related to the Bechtel, -el, family. I told you that Bechtol's are known for our novelty.

After the Hoover Dam, we pulled into Las Vegas. We were extremely tired from driving and walking around when we got to our hotel. Thus, we ate some great Italian food and relaxed in our hotel room.

Sept. 13, Wednesday:
We awoke, ate breakfast, and took the bus to The Strip. Vegas is another one of those things that you must see. Each nice Hotel on the strip is not merely a hotel. No, the hotel includes its own casino, pools (note the plural form), and mall. I don't know how all of these malls and such stay in business because so many of them exist on one street. Nevertheless, they survive and survive well.

We visited Caesar's Palace, The Mirage, The Vennecian, and The Bellaggio. We were only there one day; thus, we couldn't see them all. The Bellaggio was my favorite. A classy hotel/casino/resort/mall/freeking huge complex.

Wednesday night we went to the show Mama Mia. I don't know if it is the "greatest show on earth," as it is advertised, but it was a great show. I was amazed at how much talent is in Las Vegas.

Surprisingly, none of us gambled at all. As Dugan and Singleton can tell you, I am not much of a poker player. Me playing poker is, for other people, like going to a benefit dinner: they get money for little or no effort.

Sept. 14, Thursday:
We left Vegas and began the worst drive of our entire lives. We only had about 4 to 5 hours left in our trip to Pasadena. However, these 4 to 5 hours were through the desert. We thought the geography before the Grand Canyon was bad, but thiss leg of the trip was ten times worse than that. Nothing but dirt and dirt covered mountains for 4 to 5 hours. I actually was a little depressed when we pulled into Pasadena. Pasadena is beautiful, but the ugly driving getting to Pasadena clouded my brain from recognizing the beauty in my new home. I hope to not make that drive often while I live here.

Thus ended the Bechtol/Griswald adventure to California. The total mileage was somewhere around 1250 miles, and I have to say I could feel my car give a sigh of relief when I returned the UHaul trailer. California feels right.

By Saturday night my apartment was done: boxes unpacked, clothes hung, pictures hung, and furniture assembled. My parents left on Sunday, and I have been enjoying the California sun. As I said at the beginning, I have met some great people. Classes start on monday, and I have to admit that I am ready for them to start because I am tired of trying to figure out how much work I am going to have to do. I know it will be an incredible amount, but I am tired of guessing. I hope all is well with all of you. I'll keep you updated. peace

random

2006-08-31T15:04:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the lack of writing. You see, I am in a weird time in my life. I constantly find myself being meloncholly about leaving Waco and all of you, my friends. I have spent the last few days in Waco. I came down for the game, and I surprised so many people. It was awesome. I wish I could surprise everyone everytime I come into town, but that won't be possible anymore because I won't have a car. I will be leaving it in California.

I go back to Amarillo today. Now, it is time to pack and get ready for the big Pasadena, California. I am really excited about moving and starting school, but I am also scared about what all is going to happen in Pasadena. Nobody can move to an incredible place like California and be the same person when he or she leaves. I am anxious. So much change. So hard to be present with what I am doing. I think it will get better once I am settled in Cali.

You might be wondering what else is going on in my head after that last post. Well, I have been thinking about many things, but have not written about them. I read two good books while I have moved from Waco: The Brother's Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky and God of the Possible by Gregory Boyd. One, a book about pain, suffering, brothers, a disfunctional family, and much more. The other, a book about Open Theism that was recommended by Carney. Some good stuff in all of those pages.

I will write something fun soon.

For all of my peeps in Waco who I saw this weekend and the past few days, I loved seeing all of you. I will carry all of you with me in my heart as I make the long drive to Pasadena. Always thinking of you. peace

the ontological priority of the future

2006-08-13T12:55:00.000-07:00

I am fascinated by Genesis 1 and 2. I tend to avoid the conversations that revolve around the questions: Was it factual? Were Adam and Eve actual people? Was everything really created in seven twenty-four hour days? We can't know the answers to these questions with the certainty that the questions themselves beg. However, we can respond to the truth, small "t," that is infused in them.

One particular part of Genesis rings through my head with every breath that I take: "God spoke, 'Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature.'" Created in the image of God. That blows my mind, and I have been trying to figure out what exactly this entails. My senior year at Baylor, I wrote a paper that dealt with what being created in the image of God might look like. In short, we are the representatives of God on this earth. That is quite a demanding title, is it not?

As I worked on that paper, almost a year ago, and as I continue to think about this idea, I consistently run into authors who talk about our being created in the image of God. Long before I read Stanley Grenz's and John Franke's book Beyond Foundationalism I thought that our creation in the image of God has much to do with Jesus and his life. I am %99 convinced that at least part of our salvation has to do with the restoration of our creation in the image of God. I don't think this intimation is explicit in the Bible, but as an intimation, it is subtly hinted at. If you want concrete proof, go read for yourself. Or, wait a few years until I write the book (fingers crossed on that one).

You may be asking, "What does this have to do with 'the ontological priority of the future'" (a phrase borrowed from Beyond Foundationalism)? It has everything to do with it. Martin Heidegger, a twentieth-century German philosopher, was obsessed with the idea of what it meant "to be." In other words, he was obsessed with ontology. He believed that we should live fully aware that we could at any moment die. This "being-towards-death," as he called it, causes the person to live every moment as if it were his or her last. Our creation in the image of God has a similar effect.

You see, if at least part of our salvation has to do with the reestablishment of our creation in the image of God, then this future hope has drastic effects on our present life. By hoping someday that we will be living as we were created to live, as Jesus himself lived, we begin striving to live in such a way. We create because God created, we participate in a loving community because God too participates in a loving community, we are fully present in life because God is a God of the living (he is I AM), etc. Why wait for the "beautiful by and by" for all of this to begin? We can start now. Living in hope of the future has an impact, at least should, on the present. I guess you could call this being-towards-the-restoration-of-our-creation-in-the-image-of-God. Sound good? peace

waco...it was all yellow...

2006-08-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

It was Wednesday night, the final night that I would spend in Waco. I sat with seven of the most wonderful people in this world sharing frothy beverages, memories, and laughs. The conversation ranged from excitement for the fall to this:

Dave: (looking sternly into Harris's eyes) Don't leave. You don't have to leave.
Harris: Dave, come biking with me tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM for my last ride in Cameron Park, and I won't leave.

Dave didn't show. Now I am in Amarillo. And so it goes...(don't blame Dave; he is a good guy).

As our conversation was coming to a close, one of the most apporpriate songs began sounding through the speakers or Cricket's Bar and Grill: "Yellow" by Coldplay. So many memories come flooding through my head anytime I hear a song off of the album Parachutes. I purchased that album my freshman year at Baylor, in the fall, on the recommendation from Ben Dudley. Everytime I hear a song on that album, I seriously can smell the cold, rainy air in Waco on the day that I bought it and listened to it in my dorm room. I can remember the awkward feel of my dorm room and its interesting smells. I can remember how much Kyle loved Coldplay, and how much I miss him. All of these memories come flooding back, and I love them all. They will be my strong hold for the rest of my life, especially my first few months in the foreign lands of seminary in Pasadena, California.

I don't know what Chris Martin meant by this song, but "Yellow" reminds me of beauty. Cricket's on Wendesday night was beautiful. Waco for the past four years has been beautful (even if it is hellishly hot eight months out of the year).All of my friends in Waco, you are beautiful and I love you all.

So many good byes were said, hugs given, presents given, parties occurred, and good memories were made that I have never in my life felt so loved by a group of people. As I drove through Hillsboro yesterday, I came to this realization and the tears accumlated around my eyes.

To Waco and all my friends there: I will miss you with all of my being. However, I will see you again when you least expect it. We shall be in touch. It was all yellow...

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow."

So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.

I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.

Cause you were all "Yellow,"
I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,

And you know for you,
I'd bleed myself dry for you,
I'd bleed myself dry.

It's true, look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.
--Coldplay, "Yellow"

homecoming

2006-07-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

homecoming |ˈhōmˌkəmi ng | noun, an instance of returning home. As many of you know, this past sunday marked the first time that we, UBC, had our church service in our building. We have been out of there since Kyle's death in October. It was great, or as my friend Singleton says, "It was healthy." To best describe the service, go to my friend Adam Horton's blog to read the poem/prayer he read at the service. It is great to be home. It feels right. peace

summer and happiness

2006-07-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

I apologize for not writing much on my blog recently. These past few weeks have been crazy with weddings—five to be exact—working at UBC to try and get us back in the building, and being with friends. One aspect that has been prevelent through all of the weddings, working at UBC, and being with friends is happiness. Not the kind of happiness that is fleeting from one moment to the next, but the kind of happiness that grabs you from the inside and works its way out. I do not know where this happiness feeling begins, but I can always feel it welling up inside. It seems to grow and grow, almost taking over my body.

The first weekend in July, I played my guitar and sang in Aaron Johnson's wedding. We have been friends since I was in the third grade. The wedding was over the top. Incredible. After the ceremony we were all eating at the reception, and Aaron and his new wife, Rachael, were dancing their first dance together as a married couple. As I watched them dance, embrace, kiss, embrace, kiss, dance, etc. I began to feel this happiness welling up inside. I looked around and saw how many people came to the wedding to support the marriage of Aaron and Racheal, and the happiness continued to grow. The happiness became so great that I did not think I could handle it. Seriously, I thought that my body would not be able to take it. My eyes welled up with tears, and I almost broke down crying because of happiness.

If you have never experienced such a thing, I hope that all of you can. I recently read The Chronicles of Narnia, and in the last book, The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis eloquently and beautifully describes the type of happiness that I am attempting to describe. If you have not read those books, you should. They are great, and I am not going to goof up trying to descirbe it to you. You should read them.

So, may we all find and hold onto the happiness that moves from the inside out. The kind of happiness that reminds us that heaven, eternal life, and the kingdom of God begin now. Without such moments, life is not as great. peace

pray with me

2006-06-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: I put this on my blog, not out of hubris or want of recognition, but simply because my blog is a place for me to share things that I write. This summer UBC is having a group called CLP (Creative Liturgy Project), the purpose of which is to write prayers, poems, lyrics, etc. for our UBC community. I got really excited about this group early in the semester and wrote this one morning. I think this prayer encapsulates many of the emotions going on at UBC. peace

Thrown into this…that is what happened.
On a journey that we didn’t necessarily ask for,
But we endure together nonetheless.
Shining down, behind, in front, and on the side
Is a bit of light.
Light enough to see a few steps in front, behind, and on the side.
Not enough to know where we are headed, but
Enough to know we are moving…with You.
The ground may be soft and feel insecure,
But with You above, behind, in front, and on the side,
We know you are there…waiting for us to leap.
Although we are cautious, we of little faith, you do not take offense.
Your love drives out fear; we must allow that to happen.
Thank You for security amidst the insecure, the firm among the soft,
And the light among the darkness. Amen.

peace

children of glue (a beautiful sunrise?)

2006-06-12T11:26:00.000-07:00

25 May 2006

4:30 AM: Our group of ninteen just woke up to go meet a man named Bonafice. This morning, we feed the street kids. Bonafice has been doing this for about six years with little or no support—trustinig only that what he does is what You would do. Quite a large leap, wouldn't you say?

None of us know what to expect. All we have heard are stories about these kids and their glue. We had no idea what was coming.

5:00 AM: George has driven our group to downtown Nairobi. Actually, we are in a neighborhood right next to downtown, sitting at a closed, dark gas station. All of a sudden, a man appears—as if from the shadows—and knocks on George's window. George and Bonafice exchange some words in Swahili, and Bonafice enters the bus saying, "We go!" A man of action.

5:30 AM: Our feerless driver, guided by Bonafice, stops the bus on a random, dark street in downtown Nairobi. Bonafice exits, the street kids group together on a near-by wall, and go to sit with them all.

As I walked up to the group of kids, I hear one of them say in slirred English, "Me no sniff glue," as he pushes his bottle of glue down the top of his battered coat. (This glue costs 5 shillings, which is about 1/14th of a dollar). Did that just happen? Or is 5:00 AM getting to me?

We, the Americans that is, sit across from the street kids as Bonafice tells each of us to introduce ourselves. After the introductions, Bonafice tells the the kids to stand and stretch before he preaches to them. The kid who claimed so adamantly that "he no sniff glue," stands up and takes his first big morning breath. You know, that breath that you take after you have slept comfortably in your own bed. The one that reminds you: Yes! I am alive and well. Ready to approach a new day. This was the boy's breath, except for one, infinitely great difference. He took this breath with his mouth around the glue bottle he thought he had secretly hidden in his coat. 5:00 AM is not getting to me. What I see is real.

His first breath! Glue! What do you even do with that? This breath is supposed to remind the breather of his or her existence, of another day, and of health. Instead, this breath for the young boy is all a part of his escapism. What occurs in someone's life to pursue this type of escapism? How much pain is required for this to happen?

OH GOD, WHERE ARE YOU NOW! WHY? WHAT? One of my friend's sitting with us on the street is humbled, confused, angry, overwhelmed, and reverant. She says to herself, "God you made everything beautiful didn't you? How then do i look at a 10 year old huffing glue, and 50 more like him, and see beauty? I see destruction, poverty, broken spirits, and hopeless eyes. I also see redemption and grace....Teach me to see the shoeless, red-eyed, high, incoherent child with a bottle of glue in his hand, escaping from reality, as you see them: a child of You, one in the same." Beautiful words, Steph. Beautiful.

6:00 AM: Bonafice has finished giving a little sermon. He and Ben went and got food for the kids: 5 slices of bread and a carton of milk. Our group helps distribute the food and drinks. As I hand out one of the last milk cartons, I take a step away from the group and begin to think. How can this be? I do not understand the darkness that occurs on these streets with the kids. As I think these thoughts, I instinctively look up to the sky.

Perhaps God drew me to the sky in order to say, "Here I am."

As my eyes went up the sky scrappers of downtown Nairobi and approached the light coming from the sky, the oranges, reds, and purples of a beautiful sunrise seized me. How can such beauty be happening above and such ugliness be happening below. Destruction and redemption. Hopelessness and grace. Can you picture the paradox? Beauty above. Ugliness below. Light above. Darkness below. This paradox reminds me of the ultimate paradox: when the infinite became the finite, when the course of all of life was changed...

6:30 AM: Our group is back on the bus. George is driving us away. The kids are waving goodbye. I don't want to forget...I don't want to forget...I don't want to forget...

these kids are the lost of the lost
the forgotten of the forgotten
before, only two cared: the kenyan man and You upstairs
now, at least twenty of us cry out for justice, for something to be done
all in the name of the one who has and always will care.

peace

blog profile picture

2006-06-11T08:48:00.000-07:00

i am leah

2006-06-03T11:18:00.000-07:00

When we first arrived at the orphanage in Simba Village—the place we worked at for three days and the place that stole our hearts—we all met the little girl Leah. As the little children were singing songs to us, she fell flat on her face. We were told that she often does this...falls down that is. She has a sad story. I wrote the fallowing as if I were Leah...

My name is Leah, and I fall down. Of course, I do this for attention. I have never known my parents, but I do know they did not want me enough because I was found on the side of the road after they abandoned me. I have never known them, on any level.

I do fall down for another reason. It is more than attention. "What is this reason?" you may ask. Well, obviously, I am physically falling, but the source of this fall is more than physical. It is emotional and spiritual. The world began with a fall, and I feel like I am a constant reminder of this fall. I fall to get attention, but I also fall because I am broken. Hopefully, one day I will allow my brokenness to be mended, but that decision is mine. And so it is for you.

You are broken. You fall. You hurt. You are abandoned. Think hard enough and you will recognize it—your own brokenness. There is hope, however. I know that there is. I believe I will find it one day because of His image in me. I hope you recognize the same image in you. It is there. It is in all of us. In Kenya. In "the states." In everyone.

In that image, in Him, the broken are mended, the fallen are picked up, the hurt are comforted, and the abandoned are found. You are a human, and you fall down. peace

back from africa

2006-05-31T09:26:00.000-07:00

It feels great and strange to be back in "the states"—I think it is funny to call our home this. Africa was unbelievable. Literally, it was not what I expected. I journaled almost every day while I was on the trip. Throughout these next couple of weeks, I am going to share some things that I journaled about.

There are so many things to say, and it is difficult to know where to start. How do I begin to expound on two weeks that changed the lives of many people from Africa and from "the states?" For now, I leave you with this.

I was amazed when we arrived in Africa to see large amounts of happiness. I thought many people would be sad, depressed, and/or angry because of their hopeless condition. However, the situation in Africa, even in the most extreme conditions, is full of hope. For example, the children in Africa have little. When I say little, imagine sharing a twin bed, clothes, shoes, etc. with one of your closest friends. The word "mine" does not mean much because so much is involuntarily shared. Despite the little that the children have, they are happy and full of joy. Smiles and laughter were in abundance. Where does this laughter, these smiles, and this hope come from? I think you know. With all of this in mind, here is a little something.

So much pain, so much hurt.
Without anything else to know.
All that is left is You, somehow.

Much, much more to come. peace

modest republic

2006-05-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

Wanted to let you all know that my roomate Matt Bates and a few other Baylor students are starting a button making business. You know those cool, small, and artistic buttons. The website is on the way. Here is the link to their website: On their site is a link to their blog. Check it. peace

it is well...

2006-05-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

—"It is Well With My Soul," Horatio G. Spafford, 1873

Last weekend I finished reading Peace Like a River. I am indebted to Craig Nash for recommending this book because it was an enjoyable read. You were right Craig, those last two or three chapters got me. As I was reading the book on the first day, I came to the chapter titled "When Sorrows Like Sea Billows Roll." It is funny how different things set off vivid memories in your mind. You never know when it is going to happen. As soon as I read the title of the chapter, I flashed back to November 1, 2005 as a group of family, friends, and mourners sat in First Baptist Church Waco, Texas for the funeral of a great friend and amazing human being.

Out of all the songs that we had to sing on that day—the day that will forever be burned into our minds, the day we buried Kyle—we had to sing "It is Well." To this day, I do not know how Dave made it through that song. To this day, I do not know why we sang that song. Of course, we did/do have assurance that Kyle was/is in a better place, but I could not sing it. I didn't know how people could sing it with so much fervor. The voices of the people in the sanctuary echoed around the room. It was not well with my soul. And most of the time, it is not well with my soul.

I remember sitting there in the pew with twenty of my best friends staring at the words on the page: It is well...with my soul. It is well...with my soul. It is well, it is well, with my soul. I began to cry because for the first time in my life I could not sing. The only thing I wanted to do was scream aloud at God. I wanted to be Job shaking my fist at God, demanding a confrontation, and givinig Him a piece of my mind. As the tears ran down my face, I wondered if I could ever sing again.

I am singing again. However, it is not the same. Much of the time I read the words to see if I really can sing what they say. I think we often sing songs because that is what we are suppose to do when everyone else is singing.

I don't really know the purpose of this post, but I think this is part of my therapy. Things come out at random times, and I have to get them out. My apologies to those of you who are tired of reading or hearing things about Kyle and his death. I have felt like that a lot lately.

Summer is approaching. Hooray. peace

breath of life -or- a literary exegesis of genesis

2006-04-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

At the time God made Earth and Heaven, before any grasses or shrubs had sprouted from the ground--God han't yet sent rain on Earth, nor was there anyone around to work the ground (the whole Earth was watered by undergound springs)--God formed Man out of dirt from the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life. The man came alive--a living soul!

I began my summer reading early this year. Every year I compile a list of books that I want to read over the summer, when I have time to do some leirsure reading. Fortunately, being a senior, graduating in two weeks, and feeling a bit of senioritess, I started on the fiction books early. I couple of posts will come out of the first two books I have read. For now, I want to allow George Saunders to shed some light on the creation of human beings.

In the short (when I say short, I mean short; i read this thing in 1.5 hours, and I am not a fast reader) novel The Brief and Frightening Reign of Phil, Saunders creates a small world called Horner. The book is a fun story about the struggle between inner and outer Horner. I highly recommend the book, after all, it only takes 1.5 hours to read. Also, it has pictures! Who doesn't like pictures?

At one point in the book, the Creator (Saunders capitalizes it also) comes and fixes a few things. READING FURTHER WILL SPOIL THE BOOK, SORRY. He recreates Hornerites. Saunders provides some short prose that I think sheds some light on the "breath of light" breathed into us:

"Then the massive hands lifted the new people up to a pair of giant indescribable lips and whispered, in a fundamentally untranslatable Creator-language, something that meant, approximately: THIS TIME, BE KIND TO ONE ANTOHER. REMEMBER: EACH OF YOU WANTS TO BE HAPPY. AND I WANT YOU TO. EACH OF YOU WANTS TO LIVE FREE FROM FEAR. AND I WANT YOU TO. EACH OF YOU ARE SECRETLY AFRAID YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. BUT YOU ARE, TRUST ME, YOU ARE."

Not sure, but I think Saunders makes some good insight into what exactly was breathed into us all. Unfortunately, this breath of life got messed up, and consequently we find ourselves messed up. Thank God, I mean that literally, the Human came along and rescued us. Thank God. peace

parents, princeton, and hogwarts?

2006-04-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

Over Easter, I visited the beautiful Princeton, New Jersey. My parents met me in Dallas, we flew up to Philadelphia, spent about half a day in downtown Philadelphia, and then drove over to Princeton. I had never been up to any of the New England states, so I did not know what to expect. But what I saw and experienced was great. When we got to Princeton, we drove around a little and saw a bit of the place. The moment I laid eyes on the campus of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, I thought to myself, "Am I in the world of J.K. Rowling?" Seriously, I felt like I should see people playing Quiddich, practicing wizarding stuff, and the entire cast of the Harry Potter books.

I told my parents all of this, and they thought it was hilarious. So, while on the trip we continued to notice some Hogwartsish things about Princeton. I list a few:

-PhD students at the seminary lead classes called "precepts." Thus, many PhD students are called "preceptors." Which is interesting because in Harry Potter the seventh year students at Hogwarts are called "Prefects." Precepts-Prefects...sound similar. I think so!

-Most MDiv programs are three years. At PTS, Princeton Theological Seminar that is, when you are in your second or middle year, you are known as a "middler." There is no direct correlation to Harry Potter with this word, but I think it is a Potterish word. For example, "muggle," "hippogriff," and various odd words are used in the Harry Potter books. I deem "middler" to be worthy of the Hogwarts world. J.K., if you could put that in the next book that would be great. Oh, and I will be expecting a check in the mail for pointing this word out to you.

-The architecture at Princeton is beautiful. I would say that it is a Gothic style, much like the castle in Hogwarts as portrayed by the Harry Potter movies. In fact, I think Princeton even has a great hall where a sorting hat sorts the students. Along Nasau road, the road that runs directly in front of Princeton University, there is a long building with stained glass windows all around it. At night, this building would be lit up on the inside, and you could see the large chandeliers and high ceilings. I never saw the sorting hat inside, but I be Dumbledore had it in his office.

Well, the trip was great. My decision on where to attend seminary has become even more difficult after seeing the campus and meeting some of the staff and students. If only it were as easy as putting on an old hat to tell you where to attend. Before I leave, I have noticed on my site meter that someone from Princeton reads my blog. Who are you? I would like to know. I love your campus and school. peace

in light of easter

2006-04-13T14:03:00.000-07:00

"Look, there he stands—the god. Where? There. Can you not see him? He is the god, and yet he has no place where he can lay his head, and he does not dare to turn to any person lest that person be offended at him. He is the god, and yet he walks more circumspectly than if angels were carrying him—not to keep him from stumbling, but so that he may not tread in the dust the people who are offended at him. He is the god, and yet his eyes rest with concern on the human race, for the individual’s tender shoot can be crushed as readily as a blade of grass. Such a life—sheer love and sheer sorrow. To want to express the unity of love and then not to be understood, to be obliged to fear for everyone’s perdition and yet in this way truly to be able to save only one single person—sheer sorrow, while his days and hours are filled with the sorrow of the learner who entrusts himself to him. Thus does the god stand upon the earth, like unto the lowliest through his omnipotent love. He knows that the learner is untruth—what if he made a mistake, what if he became weary and lost his bold confidence! Oh, to sustain heaven and earth by an omnipotent ‘Let there be,’ and then, if this were to be absent for one fraction of a second, to have everything collapse—how easy this would be compared with bearing the possibility of the offense of the human race when out of love one became its savior!"

Søren Kierkegaard, Philosophical Fragments

peace

appreciation

2006-04-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

I thank my friend Anthony for inspiring this:

Imagine being born to a world of darkness. I don't mean the kind of darkness you experience when you close your eyes. That is incomplete darkness because you still see light through your eyelids. I don't mean the kind of darkness you experience when first laying down to sleep at night. Eventually, your eyes adjust, and you see quite well. I mean the kind of darkness that penetrates your soul. The dark that is so dark that you hardly know up from down. I was born to such a world.

I remember first hearing words like red or brown or blue. My grandma came into our house after it had been raining, and she told my parents, "Oh how blue and beautiful the sky is after a nice rain." Before, I didn't know what she was referring to. Things like color and visible beauty were nonexistent in my dark world.

I was ridiculed all my life because of this darkness. Was it my fault that I couldn't see? Was it the fault of my parents? I often had people tell me that I couldn't see because of the bad things my parents had done. A load of bollucks. All my life the "holy ones" would tell me this. However, one Man did not blame me or my parents.

I was sitting in my spot. I call it my spot because I would get there early every morning and begin begging for money, food, shelter, or anything I could get. You see, for our society, being blind was equal to not being human. I couldn't work because I was inadequate. Furthermore, my blindess was due to sin--or so people told me. People were afraid my "sins" would rub off on them. Thus, I couldn't pay for a home or food. Anyway, I was in my spot when I heard a group of people walking toward me. I can always tell when it is the "holy ones" simply by how the walk. However, Someone new was with them. His feet touched the ground with more grace, with lighter feet, than the others.

The same bollucks started. Yet, it was different this time. I mean, it started the same: "Who sinned this man or his parents?" However, the reply was different.

The light footed man didn't condemn me or my parents. Instead, He came toward me, and He whispered, "This may sound crazy, but trust Me." I heard Him spit at my feet, and the next thing I knew He was rubbing mud, which He had made with His spit, on my eyes. I almost flipped my lid when this happened. Who does this Guy think He is rubbing mud on the poor blind man's eyes. Come on! He noticed my frustration and again whispered, "This may sound crazy, but trust Me." Then, He said aloud to me, "Go. Wash in the Pool of Sent."

"What?" I thought to myself. You want me to do what? Then, I remembered His man's words, and I thought I would play along. I thought for sure He was using me to get at those holy ones. I went to Sent, threw some water on my face, and washed the mud off. Then, my life changed. I stood up from the pool and noticed a bright light coming through my eyelids. I had never experienced such a thing. My eyelids slowly rolled back off my eyes. The light burned my eyes for a bit, but I saw some figures. Then, everything became much more clear. A boy was playing in the street with his dog. Trees with green leaves were all around. A bug fluttered past me. I later found out these are called butterflies. They worry me because they flutter about so haphazardly, but they are beautiful nonetheless. The field across from the pond was covered in yellow and red flowers, as far as the eye could see. Such vibrant colors. So much life.

I couldn't believe what was happening. This Man made me see. I started crying. No, weeping. I started laughing. I was weeping and laughing. This was the greatest day of my life. The beauty surpassed what I had imagined all my life. I could see. I ran to everyone I saw, declaring, "I can see! I can see! I once was blind. But now I see!"

I saw the Man later that day. The last thing He said has kept me puzzled ever since: "For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind." I don't know what to do with that because I was blind, but He made me see. Now I see, but does that mean I am blind? I don't know what exactly what He meant. I do know that it just stopped raining. The sun is shining, and my grandma was right. The sky is blue. A beautiful, beautiful blue. peace

the enlightenment

2006-04-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

I have been helping lead a community group this semester at UBC, in which we have been reading and discussing Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christian. This has been a great group, and all of us have learned many things from the book and each other. As part of this book, we have been discussing the problems with doing faith and being Christians with a Modern mindset. As a result, we have critiqued many parts of modernity, but I want to make one thing clear. Modernity is not all bad. We wouldn't be reading computers, turning on lights, and doing a many other myriad of things without modernity.

Today my modern European philosophy professor was giving a side note about the Enlightenment before we started our discussion of Rousseau. One thing he said caught my ear: On September 11, my professor was eating lunch with a friend, who is also a professor at Baylor. They were discussing the tragedy from the morning, and my professor's friend remarked, "You know, the people who crashed the planes into the twin towers missed out on the Enlightenment."

One of the contributions of the Enlightenment was its emphasis on individual rights and autonomy. Sure, individualism developed as a result of these emphases, but something good did come out of them. Freedom of thought. Without this freedom, we would not have easy access to the Bible, the Quran, the Bhagavad-Gita, etc. We would not have easy access to books like Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christian. We would not have the freedom to openly and publicly explore the edges of theology. We all value this freedom of thought, but I do not think we realize where it came from.

Bad things resulted from the Enlightenment and the modern period. However, many good things did as well. Let us not look past those good things. peace

grandmothers and holiness

2006-03-23T07:19:00.000-08:00

I rarely talk to my grandmother, and we only see each other about once or twice a year. When I called her the other day I did not expect to have a conversation. Usually, our phone conversations go something like this:

"Hey Maw Maw [that is what my sister and I call our grandmother]. This is Harris."

"Well! Hello child."

"I was calling to say thanks for my birthday card."

"You sure are welcome. I thought the card fit you well."

"Yes, it does."

"Well, I'm glad you called. You stay out of trouble now."

"Ok, Maw Maw, I will do my best."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Our conversations are always short, sweet, and to the point. No funny business. However, on March 20, 2006, much funny business occurred. I enjoyed every second of it. At one point Maw Maw was telling me about her day. She told me that she goes to her church every morning to walk for thirty minutes. By the way, Maw Maw is 80+. I find it amazing that she walks for thirty minutes every morning. After telling me about walking, Maw Maw said one of the best statements I have ever heard: "And after that, I just give the day to the Lord, and everything is a surprise."

I initially laughed when my grandmother said this because it is a bit corny to say such a thing. After we got off the phone, I gave her statement some thought. If you can get beyond the corniness, there is much to be dealt with in those 13 words.

On my drive to Amarillo for spring break, I listened to one of Kyle's sermons. I was apprehensive at first about doing this, but it was great listening to it. I listened to the God in the music sermon he did over Arcade Fire's "Rebellion (Lies, Lies)." Great band, by the way. At the end of the sermon Kyle talked about the word/concept of "holy." When I think of this word, I think of something that is unattainable. However, what Kyle said about it changed my view.

Holy, in its roots, means to be set apart. However, this is not a geographic setting apart; rather, it is a subversive setting apart. As God's creations, we are called to be set apart. We are called to live subversively. We are called to be holy.

Maw Maw has more fully grasped something that I as a 22 year old have yet to fully grasp. How to begin each day holy/set apart/subversive. Who begins their day by "giving it to the Lord?" Who begins their day with that mindset? I like to think that I do. Sure, I have days where I have this concept in mind, but most of the time I do not think about it. I want to be more set apart. I want to be more subversive. I want to be more holy. I think this is a good beginning. Surprise me God. peace

kyle's film

2006-03-22T06:32:00.001-08:00

A few people at UBC have been making an artistic film based around the end of Kyle's last sermon. The DVD is due out in May of this year, but here is there first trailer. Watch it. Spread the news. peace

kyle's film

inbetween

2006-03-14T19:24:00.000-08:00

Before leaving Waco to go to Amarillo, I visted Kyle's grave. I do not understand visiting someones grave. It always makes me feel strange. After visiting it, I drove to Amarillo. I thought this up on the drive.

It was as bare as I had last seen it. No grass had sprouted. No tombstone had been placed. Only a rectangle of dirt was proof of the occurrence. I began to notice the environment around the spot. There, in that spot where Grace was sung by friends and family, across from the playground where Grace plays, where tears fell, laughs sounded, hugs given, and kisses recieved, lies the bare rectangle of dirt between two trees. Between two trees...

There was once a beginning. There will be an end. However, in the meantime, the inbetween time, there is now. You know what I am talking about; I feel like a broken record. This is all we have for now.

...how appropriate. He was fully alive in this moment. Not the one before or the one to come. Always alive in the present moment. Sure he hoped in the next, but I think he realized that how we view this moment affects our perception of the next. Maybe I'm wrong. However, I feel that I'm right. In fact, I have friends that can tell story after story that prove it. Ask them. We all love telling them. After all, who doesn't love a story filled with laughter, love, and friendship? peace

living simply...

2006-03-10T20:38:00.000-08:00

Have any of you have seen those shirts that are floating around Baylor's campus? The cool black ones with the blue tree on the bottom right corner of the front of the shirt, and the message that says "live simply." The full message of the shirt, which is printed on the back, is: "Live simply so that others can simply live." I love the design of the shirt and the ideal that it conveys. But I have some issues or questions about it. Are we willing to live simply? If so, what does that look like for us?

Do not think I am placing myself above my critique. I am as guilty as the next person. I am my own critique.

Can we live simply? The majority of the students at Baylor most likely spend their mornings thusly: Wake up. Eat some form of breakfast. Watch television. Head to room and begin picking out clothes. Examine jean selection: Diesel, Seven, True Religion, Levis, Wranglers, etc. Pick a shirt from among a myriad of shirts that will look good with chosen jeans. Look at shoes: Diesel, Puma, Vans, Nike, New Balance, Chuck Taylors, Pf Flyers (there coming back, baby), etc. Get dressed. Brush teeth...hopefully. Think of mode of transportation: long board, roller blade (you see a few of these brave souls on campus), bike, walk, drive, etc.

Can we honestly say that we are willing to live simply when we have a choice between five overly priced pairs of jeans, five pairs of shoes, and four plus modes of transportation--the last of which, driving, is most likely the choice even though we live less than fifteen minutes walking time from campus?

What does it mean to live simply? If we learn to live simply, does that mean life becomes easier? I think of the World Hunger Farm in Waco. They live much more simply than we do, but I do not think their lives are simple. We do not wake up every morning to care for our crops or livestock. They do. Is that simple living? Simply cannot mean easier because I think regardless of our position life is not easy. I have an easier life than the homeless man I saw today begging for food. I have an easier life than my waitress friend who has two kids, and has to work all the time in order to provide for them. But my life isn't easy. I lost a friend last year. I will lose my parents and other friends during the rest of my life. Life is not easy. Simple can't mean easy.

Does simply mean giving up many of our amenities? Perhaps, to some extent. But, like I said, I do not think we are willing to do this. Does simply mean buying food that ensures the farmers and producers of it get paid what they deserve? I think so, and luckily this is becoming easier to do. However, it is not fail proof. What else does it mean?

I say all of this because I think this shirt is great. It has a positive message that is a great ideal to shoot for. I am not knocking the idea, but I do not think we as a Baylor culture, or the majority of the US for that matter, are willing to do it. I hope someday people will know what it means to live simply. Maybe some of you know how. Share with us. Share with the world. We are waiting. Waiting for people like you to help.

Sorry for the social critique. peace

an awkward date

2006-03-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

So there I sat. With wine glass in hand, I quietly listened to the soft music playing in the restaurant. I waited for her to say something. Anything. Granted I had been gone for almost a week and had been with other women, but I was there now. She looked at me, tears in her eyes, and asked, "Where have you been?"

I told her, "Look, I know it has been a while since you and I have talked. I know that you know about 'the others,' but I want to let you know that I am back."

She was dumbfounded. She didn't know about "the others." She said, "You told me life happens a little to much sometimes, but you told me you would see me soon. That we would spend some time together, but you never told me about "the others." Who were they?"

The music quietly playing through the speakers had stopped. The player was in between songs. You could cut the awkwardness with a knife.

I said, "I can explain. Sunday there were two."

"Two!"

"Yes, two. I had to spend time with Physics that day because of her exam. Also, Religion and Philosophy's midterm was on Tuesday. So, I had to spend time with her because one night isn't enough with her."

"How could you say that?"

"Let me finish. I finished Physics on Monday, she was easy, but I had to devote the rest of the day to Religion and Philosophy. That evening, History of Modern European Philosophy and I got together. It was a quicky though. Only about thirty minutes."

"Only a quicky?"

"Yeah. I had to get some rest. So, Tuesday, I got Religion and Philosophy done. I spent too much time with her on the previous days because she was easier than I thought she would be. Then it was a full day and night of History of Modern European Philosophy. I was wiped. In bed early. Then, up early this morning. I kicked her out around 11. She wasn't bad."

"And? What about today?"

"Well, I was with 'On Biblical Authority.' Something I have been working on, but it is 90% done. And I am sending her off by tomorrow."

"Y--"

"No, don't say anything. I want to let you know that I am back. For you, 'life is happening.' I am looking forward to the break to spend some time with you."

"So am I, Harris. So am I."

As we clanked our wine glasses and embraced, the end of the Beatles's song "Hey Jude" was playing through the speakers. You know, the end part with the Laaaa la la lalalala? It was cinematic. peace

life sometimes happens a little too much

2006-02-28T14:59:00.000-08:00

I apologize for the lack of ideas, which have not been proliferating from my mind to my fingers to the keys to your sreen. Life has become crazy here in Waco. Do you ever have those days/weeks where, to begin with, you have too much to do, but then you schedule more things on top of that? I managed to do that this week, and next week I have three midterms and a paper due. AHHH! None the less, I will soon be writing some things with more substance, but not until I have a little down time in my life--perhaps, this weekend. Until then, here are some things that make me think and say, "HUH?" I hope they do the same for you:

-"Theology shapes the text, and the text shapes theology." Paul S. Fiddes
-"Man is nothing else than his plan; he exists only to the extent that he fulfills himself; he is therefore nothing else than the ensemble of his acts, nothing else than his life." Jean-Paul Sartre
-"Tourists.--They climb mountains like animals, stupid and sweating; one has forgotten to tell them that there are beautiful views on the way up." Friedrich Nietzsche

austin...the paramount...damien...cold water

2006-02-24T06:43:00.000-08:00

All the lights had faded to black. The band was playing their song. An irishman's raspy voice, the tones of an old guitar, and the presence of God filled the room. The girl behind me wept. A man sipped his Bacardi's Irish Cream, fully enjoying it and the musical experience. The obnoxious girl in front of me sang. She sang her heart out. I can't blame her because I too wanted to sing until I had no voice because both then and now all we've got is Your hand. But I let the darkness be my voice. It filled every corner of the theatre. The only light showing were the few exit signs. If only it were that easy. Exit here. Escape here. Return to normalcy. These days, even normal is different. What is normal?

The reprise had started: Lord...can you hear me....Lord...can you hear me now....Or am I lost? Who would have thought that two years, two short, wonderful years, after this experience we would all be screaming this in our minds, in our cars, in our rooms, in our sadness. Lord, can you hear me? Because of him--the one with the drink, the one fully enjoying the experience in that theatre--we would scream, we would cry, we would question. Who knew? Not me. Not you. Not You.

But there You were and here You are. Just as You were there for them in the desert. Just as You were there for him hanging on a tree. Suffering with us. Crying with us. You have always been. Sometimes leading and other times following. But always hearing. Now we see: cold...cold water surrounds us now. But all we've got is Your hand. Thank You. peace

the journey is the destination

2006-02-22T12:39:00.000-08:00

and i'm trying to make you sing
from inside where you believe
like it's something that you need
like it means everything.
and i'm trying to make you feel
that this is for real
that life is happening
and it means everything
and i'm trying to make you sing.
--DCB, "The Lark Ascending Or (Perhaps More Accurately, I'm Trying to Make You Sing)"

Do you notice the artistic beauty of this lyric/poem/song/masterpiece? It ends the same way it began. A nice inclusion.

I think Christianity has earned a bad reputation. History can show you why. People, like Friedrich Nietzsche, have said that Christianity focuses too much on the afterlife. Our belief in heaven or some kind of afterlife detracts value from the world around us. This was one of Nietzsche's problems with Christianity. Of course, Christianity is going to continue valuing this afterlife, this life that is in direct contact with God, this life in heaven, but look around you. Seriously, stop looking at the computer screen. Notice the people around you, the music you are listening to, the weather, the news, your environment, etc. Crazy, huh? Why shouldn't we value our experiences in the here in now? Life is happening all around us, every second. We need to take advantage of this while we can--unless you believe in reincarnation, then I guess you will have a few more chances to enjoy it.

Don't think I'm crazy. Jesus even encouraged valuing our human experiences in the process. The gospels are full of talk about the kingdom of heaven/God. Many people, myself included, hear this word and immediately think of heaven or the afterlife. However, this kingdom is something we live, walk, run, and breathe in every day. It involves the ruling presence of God on earth. This kingdom involves every facet of your life, such as being authentically kind, losing and gaining control while mountain biking, loving God, embracing beauty, living life to the fullest, ETC. We have a responsibility of establishing this kingdom of heaven/God in areas of our life that it is currently not established--check out Jesus' prayer in Matthew 6. If that doesn't bring value to the here and now, I don't know what will.

Last semester, UBC had a fall retreat at the Student Life Center at Baylor. As part of this night, my friend Don came down from Austin and set up a worship labyrinth. If you have never done one of these, you need to. Basically, in a labyrinth, you follow a path. Along this path you come to different areas where you read/write/paint/pray/meditate. The focus is to make you slow down, listen, respond, and perhaps be changed. The one Don set up focused on the journey through the room. However, the journey in the labyrinth represented a microcosm of everyday life. That is, hanging out with friends, working in the office, going to class, biking, running, pain, sorrow, loss, laughter, love, etc.=the beginning of the journey. This journey is the destination. See the inclusion?

Here is what you need to do before you leave: open your preferred music application. Select David Crowder Band--A Collision (3+4=7)--The Lark Ascending Or (Perhaps More Accurately, I'm Trying to Make You Sing). Turn your speakers up...way up. Hit play. Enjoy the mock interview. Then, as the music fades in, let it move you. I mean, let it take hold of you from inside and enjoy every second. After all, life is happening. And for right now, it does mean everything. peace

a life well lived

2006-02-21T15:34:00.000-08:00

After reading Carney's post from monday, I was compelled to share something that I about Kyle. Ben forwarded some people at UBC an email that Relevant magazine had sent out. Relevant, in their leadership issue, was asking people from UBC to write something about Kyle. So, I had to write something.

LOVE GOD. In the 21 years of my existence, I have never known anyone who lived, to the “t,” according to his or her beliefs. Until I met Kyle Lake. Whether Kyle was giving a sermon, playing soccer, or playing hide-and-seek with his kids, authenticity flowed from his every action. For Kyle, the kingdom of heaven and eternal life were present realities. As one friend eloquently said, the line between here and there was very blurry for Kyle. Kyle’s love for God was this authentic relationship with his Creator IN THIS LIFE. He showed each of us at University Baptist Church to embrace our relationship with God, and to love our Creator because eternal life begins now.

EMBRACE BEAUTY. One of my friends at Baylor recently introduced me to the idea of pastors being poets. [Thanks Adam] A poet can see a field of flowers or watch the ebb and flow of the ocean and make the flowers or the sound of the ocean come to life in new and exciting ways. A poet can take an everyday experience and show the beauty of this experience in totally new light. Kyle had this ability. He took reading and understanding scripture, the mundane activities of life, watching movies, listening to music, etc. and breathed new life into them. Kyle not only showed the beauty of our world to UBC, he showed us that we should embrace this beauty.

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. From the designer jeans and shoes, tight t-shirt, British “fo hawk,” Volkswagen Passat, to a smile that lights up the room, on first impression, you knew how Kyle lived: to the fullest. Of course, we all knew Kyle was a bit on the “metro-sexual” side, but even he knew this. He embraced it. Kyle once talked about how his daughter can only do things “full tilt.” She does not know how to fake it. When she is happy, she embraces her happiness, and you know when she is happy. When she is angry, unfortunately, she embraces this too, and you REALLY know when she is angry. I think Kyle passed this gene to Avery. He too was not a good faker. He was Kyle Lake through and through. He embraced his Kyle-ness and lived as best he could. He encouraged each of us individually and the UBC community to embrace our “-ness,” and in this embrace to live as best we can.

LOVE GOD. EMBRACE BEAUTY. AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. Around UBC, these three phrases, with which Kyle ended every sermon, are now famous words. Our own benediction. While important separately, they cannot exist without one another: to love God is to embrace beauty is to live life to the fullest. Thank you for showing us this, Kyle. peace

redemption

2006-02-20T13:52:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those moments where you realize how messed up we are as humans or how messed up our world is, in general? If you don't, I hope that you do have them in the future because I think we often forget that we are in need of help, all of us. I definitely had two of those moments this weekend.

On Saturday night, I met up with my boys--Shea, Matt, and Anthony--to watch Lord of War. The general story goes thusly: Yuri Orlov, played by Nicolas Cage, is a gun runner. He sells guns, amunition, grenades, etc. to underdevloped countries. In the first lines of the movie, Yuri announces his mission: to supply guns to as many people in the world as possible.

DISCLAIMER: Don't read further, unless you want to know how the movie ends.

Now I know this movie is a movie. That is, it is fictious in its nature. However, at the end of the movie, we are told that the movie was "based on actual events." That phrase always makes me hesitant. Based on acutal events=one little part of this really did happend, but the majority of the story was fabricated. However, I think there is a lot of truth in this movie.

You see, Yuri gets caught for violating every arms rule in the United States and many other countries. He should spend ten life sentences in prison for what he did. Then, he is released. No questions asked. Due to his connections with many powerful people in the world, he had these people watching his back. After all, he was great at his job. Yuri is released the same day he is arrested. During his time spend in cusdoty, Yuri speaks some truth. Some truth that hurts and maddens. He says that even though what he does for a job is against the law, the U.S. is one of the largest exporters of guns, ammunition, grenades, etc. This infmation is also stated, in word form, at the end of the movie. WHAT! THE VERY THING THAT GUN RUNNERS DO, SELL ARMS ILLELGALLY, IS CONSIDERED LEGAL WHEN WE DO IT AS A COUNTRY. I submit this is contradictory. I am not a fan of violence, and I hate accept that it necissarliy occurs. I think it is messed up that we, as the U.S., the God blessed country, are one of the top LEGAL gun runners. Doesn't make sense.

The following night, Sunday, I am in my room reading. My face begins to hurt. The pain becomes localized over my right eye. The damned right eye. Many of you probably do not know, but I often have migraine headaches, and these headaches are always a sharp pain over my right eye. Imagine that someone has put a knife through the right side of your head, right above the eye. It hurts like hell. Now imagine that this kind person, every so often, turns the handle of the knife; thus, inflicting more hurts-like-hell pain. That is a migraine at its finest. The pain completly levels me. Luckily, I knew what is was within five minutes and took some medicine to calm and rid of the pain. Two hours later, after laying in my bed with all the lights off, I emerge from my cave of pain. As I thought back on those two hours of pain and darkness, I realized that, physically, I/we are in need of redemption.

Sorry if that was depressing. Am I though? Yes and no. peace

cameron park...the place where a "moutain" biker finds him/herself

2006-02-18T17:55:00.000-08:00

Waco is an icebox today! Right now I am sitting in my bed, trying to stary warm because we won't turn our heater on, and reading. Then, it occurred to me that I should write a little something. Cold weather upsets me. Don't get me wrong, I like the cold because it gives you an excuse to relax, but I am so active all the time that I get anxious after consecutive cold days where I don't do much.

As many people know, I love mountain biking. However, cold days are not conducive to mountain biking. On cold days, you can't just go out for a ride because you will freeze, even when properly dressed. Isn't the phrase moutain biking a bit humorous? I live in Texas. Where are the mountains? In Texas, moutain biking should be called cross country biking because, as you may have figured out, Texas doesn't exactly have mountains. Waco, however, has "the Cameron."

I started mountain biking about three years ago with my friend Troy Sharp. Before we moved to Waco and found the Cameron, we would go biking in Amarillo, our hometown, at Palo Duro Canyon. We thought we were decent riders, until we came to Waco. When we moved to Waco and met the Cameron, we would leave it after every ride completely worn out. Slowly, after many many rides and many crashes, we began to conquer the infamous Cameron. Although Troy doesn't live in Waco for this semester, I think of him everytime I ride.

I rode yesterday for the first time in about two weeks. Due to rain and sickness, I haven't spent anytime with the Cameron. It has been rough without it in my life. For those of you who run, I think you know exactly how I feel. However, the Cameron is back. I don't know what it is, but when I ride, I feel fully alive. I had a great friend once encourage some of us to live life to the fullest. When I am biking, I feel like I am living life more to the fullest. Something great happens when going down a hill as fast as I can (the term used here would be "bombing") or climbing hill when my body tells me to rest. A hopeless abandon. I become completely vulnerable to the Cameron when bombing a hill. If I were to hit a rock or take a turn too fast, I would find myself flying through the air or sliding on my side. However, when it comes to climbing up a hill, even when I don't think I can make it because of exhaustion, I can't allow the Cameron to own me. I have to show it who is really in control. I have to show it, consitently, that I own it. Of course, I can't win everytime. The Cameron wins...on occasion. But I can always put it in its place the next ride. Call me crazy, but that breathes life into me.

Cameron park: a place to lose and gain control all in the same moment. If you bike, then pedal hard. And if you crash, then crash well. After all, isn't that what life is about? peace

kindness: a short story

2006-02-17T10:13:00.000-08:00

Here is the short story that I read at UBC this past Wednesday night. For people who might not know, we are looking at the "fruits of the spirit." That's right. The fruits of the spirit. However, we are trying to re-examine each and unload much of the baggage that has come with them through our years of churching. Here is a take on kindness:

Don’t you love watching people? Not in a stalking type of way. You know, just observing people and their idiosyncrasies. And, of course, after observing how weird other people are, you realize that you are the only normal person in world. Other people are weird, not me. I especially love how light refracts around people and produces their shadow. The use of light and shadow is amazing. Have you ever seen Caravaggio’s painting of the calling of St. Matthew?

The light and shadow in the painting highlight Jesus’ pointing finger and the surprised reaction of the tax collector Matthew as he sits around counting the day’s earnings. Or, have you seen Rembrandt’s painting of the return of the prodigal son?

The light highlights the embrace of the father and son, while the shadow hides the face of the other son who is upset over his father’s acceptance of his brother. The shadow seems to hide the darkness of human existence. Someone should write a short story about people’s shadows.

Right now, I am sitting outside of my favorite coffee shop. The sun is slowly melting the chill out of the morning air. You know those mornings when you go outside, no one is awake, and the cold permeates the air with silence. It is so quiet that you can even hear your eyes blinking. That is right now as I enjoy a hot cup of People’s Green tea. I come and sit here at least three mornings a week and I do what I am doing right now: think, write, watch people, drink tea, write, think, watch people, etc. I guess you could say I am quite the regular around here. What, you might ask, do I write about? Well, I journal about thoughts, events, dreams, emotions, and people I see. You know, I just realized you don’t know anything about me. I feel like I already know you, oddly enough. But who am I?

My name is Jeff. I feel like my story is both like and unlike your story. I am a Christian, and I am spiritual. You might think that if I am a Christian than obviously I am spiritual. Well, I think everyone is spiritual, but religion can often get in the way of people recognizing the “God-moments” they have in their everyday life. Christianity allows me to be spiritual and recognize those “God moments”—as it should.

I have many friends who are also Christians, but not your typical, everyday Christians. We are all more like a bunch of “over churched refugees” who are trying to live out our faith as authentically as possible. We always have great conversations. We often express, what we call, “crazy ideas” to one another. For example—now I am sure you will agree that these are not crazy ideas, but you know how us conservative Christians can be—one crazy idea we have is that the kingdom of heaven is more of a present reality than many people think. Jesus was sort of the magnum opus, the greatest work, that was to get everyone to realize that the kingdom of heaven is something we breath, walk, run, sleep, and live in. Of course, we believe it is something that is experienced after we die, but we think this kingdom is more like God’s ruling presence in the world. As humans who are created in the image of God, as everyone has been created, we take part of and have a responsibility in invoking or establishing this kingdom of heaven on earth. Once you begin to realize that this kingdom is something you live and breath in everyday, we think you develop a “kingdom heart”—which we characterize as dispositions that naturally flow from your being once you realize that God is part of your present life and experiences. See, those ideas aren’t that crazy.

Like I said, I journal about people I see. I’m a people watcher. Nearly everyday that I come to this coffee shop I see the same person. His name is Adam. Everyone knows Adam around here. He is the “kind” guy, always helping people “out of the kindness of his heart”—at least that is what he says. I’ve even heard him refer to it as a fruit—whatever that means. I am a little concerned about this kindness “fruit” or kind heart that he talks about. Adam is a Christian, and he is very open about his Christianity. Sometimes, a little too open: you know, when you are telling someone about a difficult situation you are going through, and then, at the most inopportune moment, the person you are talking to is like, “Well do you want to pray about it?” Good intentions, just not tactfully authentic.

The front door of the coffee shop just opened. The aroma of coffee, the music, and the warm air from inside came wandering outside to say hello. I love this place.

As I was saying, I am concerned...for Adam. Often, when he comes to the coffee shop he looks completely worn down. I think the phrase is, “Death warmed over.” Regardless of his condition, he always volunteers himself or gets volunteered to do things for other people. There are times when I can see it in his body language that he doesn’t want to be kind and help this person out, but he always does. His kindness has spread to the point that he is now a doormat. He is merely a person used for one purpose: to get things done. People know Adam cannot decline helping or being generous. As a result, he lets people walk all over him. That is messed up.

There is something inauthentic about his kindness. He knows that he should help and be kind because he is a Christian and has the “fruit” of kindness, but the whole time, I feel like he has his middle finger raised to the person he is helping or being kind to. The Oxford dictionary says this about kindness: kindness noun, the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. In other words, I think we could define kindness as a sense of compassion in the heart that is concerned with doing what is right. I know Adam does not have those qualities.

This inauthentic, doormat (a.k.a Adam) that I see everyday cannot be the instantiation of Christian kindness, as he claims. It is like the person Adam-wanting-to-be-kind gets in the way of Adam-who-was-created-in-the-image-of-God. There must be someway that Adam can be kind, or have a sense of compassion in his heart that is concerned with doing what is right, without being a doormat, without being inauthentic, without letting Adam-wanting-to-be-kind get in the way of Adam-who-was-created-in-the-image-of-God. There must be a way that Adam can be Adam, and be authentically kind….

I feel kind of strange typing all of this because the man himself, Adam, just walked by with the owner of the coffee shop. Adam asked what I was working on. I told him, “Nothing really. Only random thoughts.” How awkward is that? He said he has a lot of work to do at the office, but must have his morning coffee to get him through the day. The owner asked him to help her with some things before he leaves. Of course, he said he could. He can’t resist being kind. I should talk to Adam. Is now a good time?

They just walked inside. Let’s think some more about kindness: How would my friends and I look at kindness? How would kindness be a part of who I am, who I was created to be, who God wants me to be? Perhaps, kindness involves my friends, my “neighbors,” and my community. Perhaps, kindness should be something that gives me freedom, a freedom that I share with people in my community who are trying their hardest to establish the kingdom of heaven on earth. Perhaps this freedom comes from Jesus’ sacrifice. From Jesus we realize the present reality of the kingdom of heaven. From Jesus we have a role in this kingdom—we have a kingdom heart. From Jesus we have freedom. From Jesus we have kindness. They are all connected: Jesus—kingdom of heaven—kingdom heart—freedom—kindness.

Adam has now made two trips to the owner’s car to get supplies out of it for the shop. Each trip he takes, I can see more frustration in his face. He needs to leave. How much longer will he help?

Back to thinking: my being kind is connected with my being free due to Christ’s sacrifice. I should be kind, but this kindness should not be forced; rather, it should exude from my being. However, this kingdom heart/freedom/kindness is not something that I cultivate on my own. No, God has to be the source of this. As a creation in the image of God, it is all there inside, I just need help nourishing and developing it. This can only happen with God, with community, with “neighbors,” with people, with experience, with practice, with life. After all, life is happening. So of course, it means everything.

Are there days when I do not want to be kind? Yes. Should I feel bad or guilty for this? I don’t think so. God created me to require rest. Therefore, I should rest at times. But, this is not an excuse to take leave from having a sense of compassion in the heart that is concerned with doing what is right—from being kind. A balance between being authentically kind and allowing yourself to rest must be established. If I have this balance, then I am no longer a doormat of kindness. I am God’s creation invoking the kingdom of heaven and practicing my freedom through kindness. I am Jeff, as God created me to be.

Adam has to know this! I don’t know if I am right, in the absolute sense of right, but it sounds much better than what I perceive he is putting himself through. He must feel free. He just made a third trip to the owner’s car. That’s funny. I just noticed something: as I watch Adam walk around the corner of the building for the third time, the sun is shining above his left shoulder. His shadow is cast out to his right, and is stretched out making him look twice the size he actually is. Almost worn thin. As he rounds the right corner, his shadow seems to grasp hold of the bricks on the building, as if trying to pull him away from going, from helping, from being kind. He needs rest. I have to go tell Adam our discovery.

peace

no longer a blog virgin...it feels good

2006-02-16T19:04:00.000-08:00

Hello! Welcome to the blog of Harris. I have much apprehension and anxiety about doing this. I blame Dudley for those feelings. He suckered me into this. Not really. I had been thinking about starting one of these crazy things, but just couldn't do it. Until now.

I used to be the guy who would say things like, "Blog's are so stupid." or "If people want to journal thoughts, then journal them, but don't be pretentious and show them to other people." Well, I no longer think such thoughts thanks to great blogs from Craig Nash, Ben Dudley, and Jordan Browning--Jordan, you need to write some stuff. I say that I have anxiety because I don't want to feel like I owe anyone anything by having this. I know that may sound bad, but if I start feeling that way, then I almost become legalistic in posting. No one likes legalism...at least they shouldn't.

Anyway, here is a place where I will share some things that I have written and some things that I hope to write. I see this as being a place, initially, for UBCers to come and read what is on my mind. Beautiful things happen when you start writing. If you don't write often, try it. It really is great. Be looking for some up coming posts, such as:

-a short story on kindness
-why the title: life is happening
-the value of human experience

Looking forward to this. peace