kindness: a short story
Here is the short story that I read at UBC this past Wednesday night. For people who might not know, we are looking at the "fruits of the spirit." That's right. The fruits of the spirit. However, we are trying to re-examine each and unload much of the baggage that has come with them through our years of churching. Here is a take on kindness:
Don’t you love watching people? Not in a stalking type of way. You know, just observing people and their idiosyncrasies. And, of course, after observing how weird other people are, you realize that you are the only normal person in world. Other people are weird, not me. I especially love how light refracts around people and produces their shadow. The use of light and shadow is amazing. Have you ever seen Caravaggio’s painting of the calling of St. Matthew?
The light and shadow in the painting highlight Jesus’ pointing finger and the surprised reaction of the tax collector Matthew as he sits around counting the day’s earnings. Or, have you seen Rembrandt’s painting of the return of the prodigal son?
The light highlights the embrace of the father and son, while the shadow hides the face of the other son who is upset over his father’s acceptance of his brother. The shadow seems to hide the darkness of human existence. Someone should write a short story about people’s shadows.
Right now, I am sitting outside of my favorite coffee shop. The sun is slowly melting the chill out of the morning air. You know those mornings when you go outside, no one is awake, and the cold permeates the air with silence. It is so quiet that you can even hear your eyes blinking. That is right now as I enjoy a hot cup of People’s Green tea. I come and sit here at least three mornings a week and I do what I am doing right now: think, write, watch people, drink tea, write, think, watch people, etc. I guess you could say I am quite the regular around here. What, you might ask, do I write about? Well, I journal about thoughts, events, dreams, emotions, and people I see. You know, I just realized you don’t know anything about me. I feel like I already know you, oddly enough. But who am I?
My name is Jeff. I feel like my story is both like and unlike your story. I am a Christian, and I am spiritual. You might think that if I am a Christian than obviously I am spiritual. Well, I think everyone is spiritual, but religion can often get in the way of people recognizing the “God-moments” they have in their everyday life. Christianity allows me to be spiritual and recognize those “God moments”—as it should.
I have many friends who are also Christians, but not your typical, everyday Christians. We are all more like a bunch of “over churched refugees” who are trying to live out our faith as authentically as possible. We always have great conversations. We often express, what we call, “crazy ideas” to one another. For example—now I am sure you will agree that these are not crazy ideas, but you know how us conservative Christians can be—one crazy idea we have is that the kingdom of heaven is more of a present reality than many people think. Jesus was sort of the magnum opus, the greatest work, that was to get everyone to realize that the kingdom of heaven is something we breath, walk, run, sleep, and live in. Of course, we believe it is something that is experienced after we die, but we think this kingdom is more like God’s ruling presence in the world. As humans who are created in the image of God, as everyone has been created, we take part of and have a responsibility in invoking or establishing this kingdom of heaven on earth. Once you begin to realize that this kingdom is something you live and breath in everyday, we think you develop a “kingdom heart”—which we characterize as dispositions that naturally flow from your being once you realize that God is part of your present life and experiences. See, those ideas aren’t that crazy.
Like I said, I journal about people I see. I’m a people watcher. Nearly everyday that I come to this coffee shop I see the same person. His name is Adam. Everyone knows Adam around here. He is the “kind” guy, always helping people “out of the kindness of his heart”—at least that is what he says. I’ve even heard him refer to it as a fruit—whatever that means. I am a little concerned about this kindness “fruit” or kind heart that he talks about. Adam is a Christian, and he is very open about his Christianity. Sometimes, a little too open: you know, when you are telling someone about a difficult situation you are going through, and then, at the most inopportune moment, the person you are talking to is like, “Well do you want to pray about it?” Good intentions, just not tactfully authentic.
The front door of the coffee shop just opened. The aroma of coffee, the music, and the warm air from inside came wandering outside to say hello. I love this place.
As I was saying, I am concerned...for Adam. Often, when he comes to the coffee shop he looks completely worn down. I think the phrase is, “Death warmed over.” Regardless of his condition, he always volunteers himself or gets volunteered to do things for other people. There are times when I can see it in his body language that he doesn’t want to be kind and help this person out, but he always does. His kindness has spread to the point that he is now a doormat. He is merely a person used for one purpose: to get things done. People know Adam cannot decline helping or being generous. As a result, he lets people walk all over him. That is messed up.
There is something inauthentic about his kindness. He knows that he should help and be kind because he is a Christian and has the “fruit” of kindness, but the whole time, I feel like he has his middle finger raised to the person he is helping or being kind to. The Oxford dictionary says this about kindness: kindness noun, the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. In other words, I think we could define kindness as a sense of compassion in the heart that is concerned with doing what is right. I know Adam does not have those qualities.
This inauthentic, doormat (a.k.a Adam) that I see everyday cannot be the instantiation of Christian kindness, as he claims. It is like the person Adam-wanting-to-be-kind gets in the way of Adam-who-was-created-in-the-image-of-God. There must be someway that Adam can be kind, or have a sense of compassion in his heart that is concerned with doing what is right, without being a doormat, without being inauthentic, without letting Adam-wanting-to-be-kind get in the way of Adam-who-was-created-in-the-image-of-God. There must be a way that Adam can be Adam, and be authentically kind….
I feel kind of strange typing all of this because the man himself, Adam, just walked by with the owner of the coffee shop. Adam asked what I was working on. I told him, “Nothing really. Only random thoughts.” How awkward is that? He said he has a lot of work to do at the office, but must have his morning coffee to get him through the day. The owner asked him to help her with some things before he leaves. Of course, he said he could. He can’t resist being kind. I should talk to Adam. Is now a good time?
They just walked inside. Let’s think some more about kindness: How would my friends and I look at kindness? How would kindness be a part of who I am, who I was created to be, who God wants me to be? Perhaps, kindness involves my friends, my “neighbors,” and my community. Perhaps, kindness should be something that gives me freedom, a freedom that I share with people in my community who are trying their hardest to establish the kingdom of heaven on earth. Perhaps this freedom comes from Jesus’ sacrifice. From Jesus we realize the present reality of the kingdom of heaven. From Jesus we have a role in this kingdom—we have a kingdom heart. From Jesus we have freedom. From Jesus we have kindness. They are all connected: Jesus—kingdom of heaven—kingdom heart—freedom—kindness.
Adam has now made two trips to the owner’s car to get supplies out of it for the shop. Each trip he takes, I can see more frustration in his face. He needs to leave. How much longer will he help?
Back to thinking: my being kind is connected with my being free due to Christ’s sacrifice. I should be kind, but this kindness should not be forced; rather, it should exude from my being. However, this kingdom heart/freedom/kindness is not something that I cultivate on my own. No, God has to be the source of this. As a creation in the image of God, it is all there inside, I just need help nourishing and developing it. This can only happen with God, with community, with “neighbors,” with people, with experience, with practice, with life. After all, life is happening. So of course, it means everything.
Are there days when I do not want to be kind? Yes. Should I feel bad or guilty for this? I don’t think so. God created me to require rest. Therefore, I should rest at times. But, this is not an excuse to take leave from having a sense of compassion in the heart that is concerned with doing what is right—from being kind. A balance between being authentically kind and allowing yourself to rest must be established. If I have this balance, then I am no longer a doormat of kindness. I am God’s creation invoking the kingdom of heaven and practicing my freedom through kindness. I am Jeff, as God created me to be.
Adam has to know this! I don’t know if I am right, in the absolute sense of right, but it sounds much better than what I perceive he is putting himself through. He must feel free. He just made a third trip to the owner’s car. That’s funny. I just noticed something: as I watch Adam walk around the corner of the building for the third time, the sun is shining above his left shoulder. His shadow is cast out to his right, and is stretched out making him look twice the size he actually is. Almost worn thin. As he rounds the right corner, his shadow seems to grasp hold of the bricks on the building, as if trying to pull him away from going, from helping, from being kind. He needs rest. I have to go tell Adam our discovery.
peace
Don’t you love watching people? Not in a stalking type of way. You know, just observing people and their idiosyncrasies. And, of course, after observing how weird other people are, you realize that you are the only normal person in world. Other people are weird, not me. I especially love how light refracts around people and produces their shadow. The use of light and shadow is amazing. Have you ever seen Caravaggio’s painting of the calling of St. Matthew?
The light and shadow in the painting highlight Jesus’ pointing finger and the surprised reaction of the tax collector Matthew as he sits around counting the day’s earnings. Or, have you seen Rembrandt’s painting of the return of the prodigal son?
The light highlights the embrace of the father and son, while the shadow hides the face of the other son who is upset over his father’s acceptance of his brother. The shadow seems to hide the darkness of human existence. Someone should write a short story about people’s shadows.
Right now, I am sitting outside of my favorite coffee shop. The sun is slowly melting the chill out of the morning air. You know those mornings when you go outside, no one is awake, and the cold permeates the air with silence. It is so quiet that you can even hear your eyes blinking. That is right now as I enjoy a hot cup of People’s Green tea. I come and sit here at least three mornings a week and I do what I am doing right now: think, write, watch people, drink tea, write, think, watch people, etc. I guess you could say I am quite the regular around here. What, you might ask, do I write about? Well, I journal about thoughts, events, dreams, emotions, and people I see. You know, I just realized you don’t know anything about me. I feel like I already know you, oddly enough. But who am I?
My name is Jeff. I feel like my story is both like and unlike your story. I am a Christian, and I am spiritual. You might think that if I am a Christian than obviously I am spiritual. Well, I think everyone is spiritual, but religion can often get in the way of people recognizing the “God-moments” they have in their everyday life. Christianity allows me to be spiritual and recognize those “God moments”—as it should.
I have many friends who are also Christians, but not your typical, everyday Christians. We are all more like a bunch of “over churched refugees” who are trying to live out our faith as authentically as possible. We always have great conversations. We often express, what we call, “crazy ideas” to one another. For example—now I am sure you will agree that these are not crazy ideas, but you know how us conservative Christians can be—one crazy idea we have is that the kingdom of heaven is more of a present reality than many people think. Jesus was sort of the magnum opus, the greatest work, that was to get everyone to realize that the kingdom of heaven is something we breath, walk, run, sleep, and live in. Of course, we believe it is something that is experienced after we die, but we think this kingdom is more like God’s ruling presence in the world. As humans who are created in the image of God, as everyone has been created, we take part of and have a responsibility in invoking or establishing this kingdom of heaven on earth. Once you begin to realize that this kingdom is something you live and breath in everyday, we think you develop a “kingdom heart”—which we characterize as dispositions that naturally flow from your being once you realize that God is part of your present life and experiences. See, those ideas aren’t that crazy.
Like I said, I journal about people I see. I’m a people watcher. Nearly everyday that I come to this coffee shop I see the same person. His name is Adam. Everyone knows Adam around here. He is the “kind” guy, always helping people “out of the kindness of his heart”—at least that is what he says. I’ve even heard him refer to it as a fruit—whatever that means. I am a little concerned about this kindness “fruit” or kind heart that he talks about. Adam is a Christian, and he is very open about his Christianity. Sometimes, a little too open: you know, when you are telling someone about a difficult situation you are going through, and then, at the most inopportune moment, the person you are talking to is like, “Well do you want to pray about it?” Good intentions, just not tactfully authentic.
The front door of the coffee shop just opened. The aroma of coffee, the music, and the warm air from inside came wandering outside to say hello. I love this place.
As I was saying, I am concerned...for Adam. Often, when he comes to the coffee shop he looks completely worn down. I think the phrase is, “Death warmed over.” Regardless of his condition, he always volunteers himself or gets volunteered to do things for other people. There are times when I can see it in his body language that he doesn’t want to be kind and help this person out, but he always does. His kindness has spread to the point that he is now a doormat. He is merely a person used for one purpose: to get things done. People know Adam cannot decline helping or being generous. As a result, he lets people walk all over him. That is messed up.
There is something inauthentic about his kindness. He knows that he should help and be kind because he is a Christian and has the “fruit” of kindness, but the whole time, I feel like he has his middle finger raised to the person he is helping or being kind to. The Oxford dictionary says this about kindness: kindness noun, the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. In other words, I think we could define kindness as a sense of compassion in the heart that is concerned with doing what is right. I know Adam does not have those qualities.
This inauthentic, doormat (a.k.a Adam) that I see everyday cannot be the instantiation of Christian kindness, as he claims. It is like the person Adam-wanting-to-be-kind gets in the way of Adam-who-was-created-in-the-image-of-God. There must be someway that Adam can be kind, or have a sense of compassion in his heart that is concerned with doing what is right, without being a doormat, without being inauthentic, without letting Adam-wanting-to-be-kind get in the way of Adam-who-was-created-in-the-image-of-God. There must be a way that Adam can be Adam, and be authentically kind….
I feel kind of strange typing all of this because the man himself, Adam, just walked by with the owner of the coffee shop. Adam asked what I was working on. I told him, “Nothing really. Only random thoughts.” How awkward is that? He said he has a lot of work to do at the office, but must have his morning coffee to get him through the day. The owner asked him to help her with some things before he leaves. Of course, he said he could. He can’t resist being kind. I should talk to Adam. Is now a good time?
They just walked inside. Let’s think some more about kindness: How would my friends and I look at kindness? How would kindness be a part of who I am, who I was created to be, who God wants me to be? Perhaps, kindness involves my friends, my “neighbors,” and my community. Perhaps, kindness should be something that gives me freedom, a freedom that I share with people in my community who are trying their hardest to establish the kingdom of heaven on earth. Perhaps this freedom comes from Jesus’ sacrifice. From Jesus we realize the present reality of the kingdom of heaven. From Jesus we have a role in this kingdom—we have a kingdom heart. From Jesus we have freedom. From Jesus we have kindness. They are all connected: Jesus—kingdom of heaven—kingdom heart—freedom—kindness.
Adam has now made two trips to the owner’s car to get supplies out of it for the shop. Each trip he takes, I can see more frustration in his face. He needs to leave. How much longer will he help?
Back to thinking: my being kind is connected with my being free due to Christ’s sacrifice. I should be kind, but this kindness should not be forced; rather, it should exude from my being. However, this kingdom heart/freedom/kindness is not something that I cultivate on my own. No, God has to be the source of this. As a creation in the image of God, it is all there inside, I just need help nourishing and developing it. This can only happen with God, with community, with “neighbors,” with people, with experience, with practice, with life. After all, life is happening. So of course, it means everything.
Are there days when I do not want to be kind? Yes. Should I feel bad or guilty for this? I don’t think so. God created me to require rest. Therefore, I should rest at times. But, this is not an excuse to take leave from having a sense of compassion in the heart that is concerned with doing what is right—from being kind. A balance between being authentically kind and allowing yourself to rest must be established. If I have this balance, then I am no longer a doormat of kindness. I am God’s creation invoking the kingdom of heaven and practicing my freedom through kindness. I am Jeff, as God created me to be.
Adam has to know this! I don’t know if I am right, in the absolute sense of right, but it sounds much better than what I perceive he is putting himself through. He must feel free. He just made a third trip to the owner’s car. That’s funny. I just noticed something: as I watch Adam walk around the corner of the building for the third time, the sun is shining above his left shoulder. His shadow is cast out to his right, and is stretched out making him look twice the size he actually is. Almost worn thin. As he rounds the right corner, his shadow seems to grasp hold of the bricks on the building, as if trying to pull him away from going, from helping, from being kind. He needs rest. I have to go tell Adam our discovery.
peace
Comments
Good story. Your the f*%#ing man. How did you even know I had a blog. I too just started this week, but have kept it in the D.L. I'm no Craig Nash and thus I didn't want the whole world to know.
--Horton
Paz y amabilidad
RobertD